Mmmmmm! Earlier this week I got eggs benedict and then yesterday I just did like eggs, meat, toast & homefries. I'm getting hungry thinking about it! I should soon get myself dressed and go get groceries and do lunch I suppose. I'm doing a bit of meal prep this morning and making up a vat of couscous salad for lunches this week! I've half started it already ;)

I made butternut squash soup. Probably have that for lunch today C:

Good for you! I spent a ton this month eating out :(

Nice!

Well, it's not all down, at least. I've got a number of mixed feelings at the moment. I don't really know how much to explain...

The date is part of the problem for me right now. I have an anniversary coming up in two weeks exactly, and it tends to mess with me for the entire month prior. To keep things simple, it's the anniversary of a day where something happened that caused me to lose nearly all of my memories. It's been a long time since then, as emotionally traumatic as that was I've gotten over most of it.

What's bothering me about it at current is one of the few things I still have yet to really accept. Really simply put, from the moment I lost my memories back then my life's timeline split from one continuous lifetime to two fractured ones. It's no longer "My life," but "my life and her life," with "her" being the person I used to be. It's not a conscious decision on my part, that's how my subconscious treats it whether I like it or not. I've spent years of my life now trying to mend that break and make my lifetime one whole one again, but basically I'm finally starting to realize and accept that it's impossible to do that. While both lifetimes existed in one body, we are two separate people, and she is gone for good.

The reason that's so hard to accept is because, after spending so much time trying to learn about her so I could close the gap, I wound up really caring about that person. I learned what kind of life she'd had, at least some of the things she'd really wished for, and most of all I learned about how she essentially died having already been suicidal and thinking that no one would ever miss her. It's like my mind sees her more as my only important family member than as my own past self, so I feel responsible for the way she felt when she died. I feel responsible for having not been able to help her. I've felt like I owe her.

I realize it's a really strange situation to be in, but I can't do anything apart from accept that for me, that's the reality of it. The only way I'm going to get past it is to treat it as it feels - like I lost someone close to me, and there's nothing I can do about it except mourn, accept, and move on.

There are other things going on too, but I don't want this to turn into just one huge sap story. Well, no more than it could already be called one I guess. Basically, I've got some friends that are helping me break down some other major walls and being really supportive through this whole deal.

Thanks. c:>

That's really good that you have a support group around you. Sounds like you've got a grasp on the situation. You almost need to grieve the loss of a person - and that takes a lot of time and unfortunately a lot of getting in touch with feelings that we didn't sometimes know existed really deep down.

Sounds like you have some experience with it. I can't say I have any idea how close it is to actually losing someone you could see in front of you. I've not lost any friends or family members that I've been close to.

I'm really grateful for the friends I have.

You're lucky for that. I've lost a few family members... one in particular that was very difficult as we were close. I still think about him all the time and feel sad about him missing parts of my life that will be coming in the future.. but you just have to remember all the things that make you smile about that person.

Niiiice! Eggs are a great brunch food! I love fried eggs. So much. I'm trying to be good at the moment though. So no bread and cheese for me. I couuuuuuuuld do eggs though!

Oh! I LOVE butternus squash. I should do that next time. I'm sick of green soups lol.

Yeah. I went out a couple times but not THAT many. So it's okay XD

Couscous for lunch sounds fab! I've been having bolognaise for the last week!

It turned out soooo good. I just boil the squash in chicken broth and then puree it with a bit of milk. Salt and pepper and that's just fantastic! I made homemade dinner rolls to go with it too C:

I've been so bad with my eating lately. I'm just so hungry ALL THE TIME. I'm trying to get back into a gym routine though.. so at least if I can manage that then I can feel a little less guilty about everything I'm eating.

That makes me sad just hearing that. ;u; That's a really sweet way of looking at it, at least. I'm sorry you've had to lose someone you cared so much about though. I'm definitely not denying that I'm lucky at least in that way, most of the awful crap I've had to go through has been from my own life being put on the line, not anyone else's, and I've managed to make it through it all so far.

People are much more resilient than you may think. We all surprise ourselves sometimes <3

Haha, well, that's good to hear. ^^

So what's your plan for the rest of your day? I'm still not dressed yet so I'm thinking I might finally do that and then go get some groceries ;)

Thank you so much for the help!! I'm only interested in buying CW. I keep seeing people wear new ones that come out, but I'm not sure how to slot them(?) or what groups I should join to get pinged, and which I can't because they're invite only. It's just all confusing to me haha

Yay for days off! How have you been?

Hahaha. My plan for the rest of the day is just to try and stay awake until nightfall. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep, so I'm pretty tired at the moment.

I've been well! Really busy, but it's good. I'm in LOVE with your HA. What's new with you?!

Well try not to fall into sleeping at like 2 in the afternoon :/

That's more or less what I'd wound up doing before. ^^; Finally getting back on track.

Good! I've been going to bed so early lately.. I'm trying to force myself to stay up until at least 1045!

Good luck!

Good busy is nice! I'm currently trying to file my taxes, so that's a big ball of joy haaaa :''''D Thank you! I saw this dress and I fell in love. I love the colors and shape ^_^

with chicken broth? I've never heard of that before! How interesting, I must try it!

Aw yeah, I know how you feel. It's so hard to wait for proper mealtimes ;_; You can do it! I've been really bad with the gym as well :(

Awesome! Why don't you tell me some CWs you wish you'd slotted on, and I can try and help you find the ping groups of the person who released the items :)

Most of the time when it says pinged only it's for people in the person's ping group. And you can join public ping groups without invites or anything so no problem. It's always first come first served, so sometimes you have to be lucky with the timing and be on when they ping for an item.

Based on your WL, check out these groups: here - she releases the shard and pie strands here - frappe locks here - Senshi Cardigan and cat sweaters. Lots of anime stuff. She pings A LOT. But some of her stuff is really nice. here - not sure if any of her stuff is on your WL, but I love most of her releases here - monster milkshakes

Just have a look at the first couple posts and join the public ping groups. It's usually very clear which is a private ping group or a public ping group. The rules are usually all the same. Pay for your slots in a timely manner, be polite and that's mostly it!

You're doing your taxes REALLY early! Way to be on it!

It's super easy and super yummy. REALLY good!