Ok here's the deal I have this best friend, Sean. He loves me, I love him. Yay. Except, he's dating a lovely girl named Randi. Who loves him. And he doesn't love her. So I called him out on how unfair it was last night. I mean, dating/sleeping with someone who LOVES YOU, but you don't love them back? That's one-sided, and unfair. And she wants him to. She's waiting for him to say it back to her, and I don't thing he ever will. And I'm not saying I want them to break up. Yeah, I don't like the fact that they're dating but just because I don't like it doesn't mean that I think they should split. That's dumb.

So he and I are trying to figure out what to do, because it can't go on like this. (Randi doesn't know of this predicament yet.) But the two choices we could think of just....aren't gunna cut it.

We all really care about Randi. She's a really great girl and I mean...leaving her..I think leaving her would be just as cruel. Especially because of this. It would break her heart...I don't want that to happen. And I know she would disappear from both of our lives if they broke up. She does that.

And it's not as if he or I can fall out of love with the other. Even if we wanted to.

I just don't know what to do. I can't think of a third option but there has to be one somewhere.. So I came to the internet for suggestions ^^;

Update: So he came over to my house last night, so I figured I'd do what all of you suggested and tell him that he ought to break up with Randi. His reasoning for saying no was that in the end, Randi's his girlfriend, and I'm his best friend. Since he's not acting on his feelings for me and there's a "clear" separation, he's not going to leave her. He also said no because he's 'going by what Randi wants'. Apparently he asked her why she liked being with him, because they do have a lot of problems in the relationship, and she just said because she's happy with him. She doesn't seem bothered by the fact that he hasn't returned her feelings. But he does agree that from my POV it's really messed up, and that I have a good point, so he wants to try and think of a 3rd option instead of doing something so drastic.

Update 2

Hey, I pinged you all to let you know that I FINALLY bucked up and told Sean about how messed up the situation was. He's agreed, and promised to tell Randi the truth. However, I know him. And I know his tendency to put off telling someone things that will hurt them. And then it just hurts them more. =.= So I've called him out on that, and he's promised not to. I don't want to push him, because it must be REALLY difficult to tell your girlfriend you're in love with someone else. I mean, how do you even start a conversation like that? And I understand that. but at the same time I'm worried he'll put it off forever because there will never be a good time.

So, progress, but nothing yet. Thank you all for your help! (I used a lot of your comments in my argument! It's good to have backup!)

i dont know i think its pretty fucked up to string randi along like that you need to just buck up and have your dude tell her that they need to break it off

if he's not willing to do that i don't know how you should feel about him then to be honest....

Yeah, he knows it's fucked up. I just..how do you tell someone that they have to break up with their girlfriend? Especially when it could be seen as me having an ulterior motive? (Though he knows I don't.) But no one wants to hurt her..

And he really is a good guy. Honestly. He would do anything for his friends. He's come at 3AM to my house because I was upset. He's not awful. Just really, really stupid.

ARGH. Love is so difficult!

What a frustrating situation. But I agree with , whats the real reason he is with her? Whats the real reason he is not with you?

Because surely if you dont have feelings for your partner A) your being cruel, holding them back from finding someone who loves them back and B) your not being true to yourself.

If Randi really is this awesome person you both respect and cherish she deserves the truth. What happens from there is for her to decide but dont make it her against the both of you. Its up to your best friend to sort out or it will make her distrust you as well.

I don't...really know? I mean there was a reason but I have a really, really awful memory, so no matter how many times I have someone remind me, it slips away. :(

I told him that. It IS cruel.

And I agree. I want her to know, because keeping her in the dark is obviously bad. But idk what to do. I mean, last Halloween it came out that he had cheated on both of us. I found out because she told me. I should probably do the same. But I don't even know how to go about that...and I think Sean has to get some balls and tell her himself. It'll be hard enough hearing it at all. I don't want her hearing it from someone other than him. But I can't let it go on, either.

I wish there was a 3rd option. It's not between a rock and a hard place, it's between a wall of spikes and a vat of acid. =.=

(Oh god I know how this makes him sound like an awful person. Please don't think he is.)

I agree with what's been said already, it's just... not good of him to string Randi along, really. That's all there is to it, and by thinking that she'd be better off staying in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about her you're only doing more to hurt her. She will be hurt by the break up but that's so much better than letting her waste her time with him. I can see how you don't want to get in the middle because you're biased, but even as a friend you should speak up and encourage this guy to break it off. Like ney said, if he doesn't, i would really re-evaluate why it is you like him...

I know....u.u I just..idk how to do it. I can't just say "Sean, you have to break up with her"

Honestly that might just be what you have to do, in whatever words.. If he hasn't taken the initiative to do it yet, he clearly needs a kick up the ass to get him to do something about it. Idk if you have any other mutual friends who could be firm with him about it, but since you're invested in the situation and know why he needs to break up with her it might be best for you to do it instead. I can see that its difficult because you're basically telling him to hurt someone for your own benefit.. but honestly it would benefit everyone involved in the long run, rather than continuing this unfair situation which isn't really what anyone wants.

We do have one mutual friend we're both very close to, but idk if I should involve a fourth person. that would just get messy and honestly, I don't want to spread around something that is really Randi's business above all others. Sean made a mistake, and that's on him, but Randi should be able to choose who knows about something like this. Yes thank you, you get it. It does seem like it's for my benefit! (even if I'm not sure I'd even go out with him, all things considered. I love him, but it's obvious he isn't good at this stuff.)

I might have to tell him something tomorrow then...I called him out on it just last night, so I was hoping we could like, brainstorm and figure something out if given some time but...you guys might be right.

Yeah, i wouldn't advise involving anyone who doesn't already know, since like you say it's Randi's business as well. But it seems like you can see the situation pretty objectively despite being involved, and since there isn't really anyone else who can tell him then i think it's up to you really, so just keep in mind that you'd be doing the right thing regardless of whether you're involved with Sean or not. It's not like you're pressuring him to break off a happy, stable relationship, which would be purely for your own benefit.

That sounds like a plan. He's probably had some time to think about it too since you called him out, so hopefully he'll be more receptive if you confront him about it again soon. Good luck if you do end up saying something!

It's reassuring to know that other people think I'm viewing this objectively. I'm always so worried that perhaps my feelings ARE clouding my judgement..

Thank you so much for your help. I'm still scared to say something so terrible, but you're right. It probably is for the best.

No problem, i hope everything goes well if you talk to him about it! It definitely would be for the best.

That sounds messed up and he's being extremely unfair to you and randi. He doesn't love her? those feelings won't randomly decide to start up. If he loves YOU he'll want to be with you. Doesn't sound like love to me.. You need to tell him it's her or me. If he stays with her then I would just move on. Continue being his friend, but just know that it won't go anywhere. Don't get strung a long in this with him. You'll find someone else. However talk to him about this and don't just accept his "no". Reason with him and if it's still no then he doesn't really love you. Don't let him string the poor girl a long :( Anyway all this is just my opinion, feel free to take from it what you need. Good luck :)

As unfair as this situation is, I don't think it's unfair to say "her or me" either. I've been thinking about moving on as well. While I may not be able to move on from my feelings, I probably wouldn't date him. I don't think I could trust him in a relationship. Thank you very much for your opinion, and I'll take it into consideration as well :)

wow ok from your update it kinda sounds like he's not someone you'd want to be with anyway, so i agree with what you're saying about trying to move on and not holding out hope that you two can end up together. Quite honestly he sounds like bad news if he's willing to string along two people at once whilst (probably) saying completely different things to both.

oh sorry D: i din't mean choose between you two, i just meant stop dragging you guys around. I meant make a decisions and be final about it. Sorry :P I agree with the person above me on this one. Him saying "no" to you sounded off anyway. If he was actually confused about it he wouldn't have straight up said "no". He would doubt it maybe even second guess it. Staying friends sounds best before one of you three gets hurt,

He honestly isn't as bad a guy as it sounds. He sincerely is a really good guy. (And honestly, I'm not just saying this blindly. I've put a lot of thought into this. I knew it was possible, but basing on everything I know about him, and his friends, I'm pretty certain in my assessment of him!) And he's not saying two different things either, because Randi and I talk often, about lots of stuff (obviously not this particular topic) but some heavy things. And there's never been any conflicting information. He's just really stupid.

Ohhh! Yeah that makes more sense haha! I did say something to that effect. And he didn't flat out say "no", it was just easier to type the end result as opposed to a an hour long conversation XD

makes sense :) hope it works out well for you, good luck!

Thanks :)

Hmm thats a tough one, but for me even thou she loves him and is ok with out getting anything back I bet there will come a point when its not enough. And it will hurt her even more. He needs to think of it from her perspective, not his own. Im not sure if you like him and want to be with him, or if he wants to be with you. But if that is the case and they break it off dont immediately get with him. I think that is one of the worst things that can happen. Once hes not with her he might find that he really is just a close friend to you, and that he was just unhappy in his relationship so he sees you as something fantastic. I know thats hard to think of if you really want to be with him, but everyone needs waiting time between a breakup to get their heads together. It would be much worse to immediately jump in and feel like you finally got him, then he ends up finding he doesnt feel that way.

Of course that might not happen. But I just know in my experience with that sort of issue I jumped in to a new relationship way too soon and ended up being so unhappy.

For more than just the worry of him not having the same feelings, I think its good to have time to really decide what you both want. I hope that made sense LOL

But my big point is that it really isnt ok in my mind for him to stay with her with out feelings, especially if he has bigger ones for someone other than her. No matter what she says, think of how youd feel in that situation. I sure wouldnt be happy, maybe I could put up a front because I feel like id rather have him with no love than not have him at all. But truthfully it would be tough. So he needs to think of it from her side, and his side. I hate to say it but Im not sure its anything YOU can do. Its their problem. Even if he has feelings for you. It might just be best to let it blow over, and sooner or later he will decide if its ok or not.

I completely agree with My big worry is that he is saying he is doing this for her, but I dont think it is. And even if it isnt, why would you want to wait for someone who thinks that way xD?