This sounds really cheesy but basically you have to believe in yourself. You can't let yourself just give up because of your parents, your environment, anything. You are stronger than the evils that surround you. You can overcome everything. Things start getting better the second you know that. It isnt easy, it isnt over night, there will be mostly bad days at first. Keep listening to the people here. Keep talking to your dad. Maybe if you talk to him just about you feel, as a person to lean on, he will soften up on you? Keep talking to any psychiatrists or counselors you have.

I know many states have a 72 hour mandatory hold for those in danger of themselves or other. If you are talking about suicide in this manner, I would highly suggest anyone close to you here on subeta or otherwise to call 911 and have to held in a mental health center for 3 days. It REALLY helps A LOT. Every single hour (except while you are sleeping) is dedicated to helping you understand your feeligns and environment and finding a solution. You have to respect, love, and believe in yourself enough to know you deserve a chance for everything. You could even admit yourself if you want, to get away from everything. It doesnt cost anything, it's a state mandated thing.

Good luck with everything. Just like others, there was a point where I felt like I was pushed to my end because of things other people put me through. Do not let yourself be a victim. Those people and whatever theyve done to you is far below you.. they hope for you to never succeed. You cant give them that.

If you like your dad enough you need to make him a good friend to you. he seems to care about you more than your mom(?) As a parent he is supposed to be there for you. talk to him and let him know you are willing to help out and make a better life for yourself.

❤~~

"I've been on three different kinds of pills..."

And I've tried over ten. I'm still searching for a combination of medications to combat my severe depression and anxiety problems. There's something that will work for you, and it might take you years to find it.

I can't help wondering how seriously you're taking this... everyone has offered up suggestions, and you've turned everything down without hesitation. You're the only person who can really turn your life around, so if you posted here hoping for a magical cure, you'll leave disappointed.

Begin taking fish oil capsules every night. Some people believe that the seratonin released into your system will help.

Exercise on a daily basis... this is hard to do if you're not accustomed to it, but you have to force yourself to get out of the house and work out. There's evidence that exercise is more effective than prescription medications in battling depression.

Contact an adult in a position of authority. A trusted family member or a teacher, usually. Tell them that you're dealing with some very difficult personal issues, and that you need to get in touch with a therapist. I'm currently seeing a therapist, a hypnotherapist, my regular doctor, and a psychologist. There are people who will help you -- that's their job, that's what they've dedicated their life to.

Please phone the national suicide prevention hotline that another user posted at the top of this page. They probably have lots of resources that Subeta users don't know about, and practical advice for your situation.

If you're stone-cold serious about killing yourself, please phone the closest hospital and tell them that you're a danger to yourself.

Lots of people have felt the same way you do right now, and there are various volunteer organizations and emergency hotlines in place to help you. Take advantage of that.

I haven't turned everything down. I've tried a few of the options given to me, but my parents either said no or have already expressed to me that they're against it. The few options I haven't tried, such as staying with a friend or something, no one's offered even though I've brought it up. How am I supposed to go any further with that? I'm already planning on talking with the two adults I trust most tomorrow about this, but, I mean, there's really nothing they can do for me. I'm pulling at straws here. I've posted here for solutions because I have a hard time finding them in times like this. Obviously I'm not going to find a cure. I'm not that jaded.

My father is very bitter toward me at the moment. I'm not going to talk to him for a little while to play it safe. I'd really hate to go back to a facility again because I have before, because I know the consequences of what's to come when I get back. But if worse comes to worse, we'll see.

I've stopped for now, I still had thoughts while on it. I was supposed to visit my psychiatrist in January, but my mom either cancelled or forgot. The place calls her about appointments, but I guess she didn't reschedule or she just doesn't want to go anymore, I don't really know. I'll talk to her about it, I guess.

I think you would benefit greatly from speaking with your doctor. If you have the number of your psychiatrist, you may be able to call them yourself and let them know how you are feeling. I had a "child and adolescent" psychiatrist in high school and I was encouraged to call them myself if I ever thought I was in trouble.

There was a point almost exactly a year ago when I was having the same thoughts you are now. I wouldn't leave my bed for days at a time except to use the washroom, and even then, I'd panic all the way there. I couldn't drive myself anywhere because I'd have panic attacks and need to pull over the car. I couldn't eat because I felt nauseous. I lost weight and that made me feel physically weak. This lasted for almost a month. There were times during that month when I would sit in bed and cry until my entire body started to shake. I felt useless. I was this lump who couldn't do anything but cry and sleep. It terrifies me to think about it now, but there was a point at which I had the beginnings of a plan laid out.

But think about the key part there: it terrifies me to think about it now.

My dad tried to commit suicide twice. I can't even begin to describe how much my mother, my brother and I need him, so I'm incredibly thankful that he didn't succeed. Never, EVER forget that you are wanted and needed, whether you believe it or not. Unless you put everything you have into believing that there's a chance things will get better, they won't. The only reason I don't have any examples of my own is because my parents protected me from the mistrust, violence, and suffering that they had growing up. Trust me, it will get better. It did for my parents, it will for you. I understand that at this point in your life it's hard to be patient for something that seems like it will never come, but you haven't even reached adulthood yet. It's much too early for you to permanently call it quits.

If those thoughts of suicide won't leave your mind you have to FORCE them out. Do everything you can to keep the negative thoughts away. Do the things you enjoy doing, hang out with your friends, just take some time alone to think good thoughts. It isn't easy, but you have to do your best. Stop yourself from thinking "it's hopeless", "the world is against me", and "I can't do it", because none of those are true. You're telling yourself it's true, but I promise you it's not. There is always hope. It may not come right away, but it will come.

I wish you the absolute best.

Just out of curiosity, how old are you, and how many years of high school do you have left?

Because at the end of the day, I think you need to motivate yourself towards your future, your future past high school. I'm assuming you are wanting to go to college (correct me if I'm wrong), because you have already challenged yourself by taking IB course Most people do just choice the harder course load because they are bored, they are preparing themselves for the future.

and I know, I know how long a year feels in high school, but what is a year in comparison to the rest of your life afterwards? If you can find a way to hold out until you can get away, go to college to prepare yourself for a career you truly want to do so you can live your life how you want, won't that be better? You may feel like you aren't in control now (which I won't even push either way on), but see the future where you are. When you are independent, you are in that new environment, and you prepare for the next 60, 70, how ever many years of your life. I know you want it to be better You know you want it to be better

I honestly don't have an answer for your current situation, because that is not an experience I know and is not one I can understand, so I don't feel right trying to spout of alternatives for you. But make sure you know there are people that care about you, and believe you deserve to live your life, and you should never feel like you should end it.
Fight for your life. I don't know you, and I probably never will, but I don't want to see you go, because you deserve to live out what you started, what you worked for, and you should enjoy it.

sweetie hugs life may get hard at times but it will get better. trust me. i know what its like to fight with depression. i fought with it for years. i had kept up the act that i was happy when i was around others and then i had even gotten to the point where i needed pain to feel alive. it wasn't until when my ex tried to kill him self that i realized that i needed help. my friends supported me even after i flunked out of college.

a few things i do now when i start to feel deppressed i write songs, poems and stories in a red pen i draw on my arm with a red pen i meditate i watch old disney movies i also pretend im some one else and larp

i have a friend who has a bag of dried shelled green beans and when she feels deppressed she breaks a few open

I really think your post is great.

I'm with everyone else here. What's going on right now will get better, which may not be what you want to hear, but honestly, time tends to heal things. How old are you?1 hour really isn't that bad and if you're old enough, you could drive to school. Does your mom know you're on the verge of suicide? I can almost bet money that she'll do everything she possibly can to make sure that you're still alive. Find someone you're really close to and talk to them. Also, your new school might not be so bad. Maybe it won't be so bad. Do you have a hobby, like art or theatre or something? That's a great way to connect with people. I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way. Please talk to your doctor or a therapist or something.

Thank you. :) I try to help people out whenever I can.