I'm so sorry you had to go though that :( I think most people out there are looking for a monogamous relationship (around here, at least) but not everyone has what it takes can make it work. When you think about it, we have a lot of primal sexual instincts that still dominate our choices in life. Commitment is about being able to overcome those urges, and so is growing up. Cheating in an exclusive relationship (without mutual agreement from the other person) is a sign of immaturity, imo.

That being said, monogamy is the only option in my life. When I'm in a relationship, I'm fully committed to that one guy and I expect the same from him. Anything else would make me miserable. I don't consider a man unless I know this is also what they want. Call me selfish, but I'd rather die alone than having to share someone's affection and love. Or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic...I really don't have anything against polygamy, it's just not something I'd ever pursue.

I do. There is no other way.

People are just so commitment-phobic/challenged these days. Simply not trustworthy...

I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. It's one thing I think I'm most afraid of in a relationship. I do not want to be cheated on. I don't want to feel that.

I've been questioning this, too, though. More because almost everyone I run into wants an open relationship or a FWB situation and I know I can't do it. One person is enough for me, is it not enough for anyone else?

- Yeah, there's definitely a distrust that people have in regards with making a commitment. I think these people expect to be cheated on due to how society is, and just want to protect themselves from heartbreak. I was definitely one of those types before. It's a thought process that takes a lot of strength and courage to break from.

- There are people that want only one person, as shown by people on this board. At least the people that want more than one person are being honest.

My boyfriend and I started out as FWB. He originally wasn't interested in a relationship, because he was tired of his heart being broken by women using him. I was also scared of a committed relationship and falling in love, because I don't like feeling vulnerable. However, as we saw each other more and more, we fell in love. It took me about 8 months to finally accept that I loved him and him almost a year to admit he loved me. So, a FWB situation may end up being more. It can be a way to test the waters.

Oh, I know people want it. Apparently, I'm just not running into those people. I also definitely appreciate they say something, knowing very well some people can say they only want one person and, later on, you find out they meant one person ... in each area code.

I'm actually in a FWB right now (just testing the waters to see if I'd be okay with it, I guess), pretty much identical to yours. He said he had a run of horrible relationships and he just feels and knows he doesn't want a real relationship. I respect that, so I'm not trying to make it into anything more, however, while I like him and enjoy being around him when we are together, it's kind of like, I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting myself on him. I'm also very hesitant to let myself fall for anyone.

Then, whenever we do get a strong connection going, he backs off to almost complete silence, so I'm pretty sure he's definitely trying to keep it friends only. I don't believe it will ever turn into more. I realize I could find other people to be with, and while I do go on dates and such every now and again, I'm really not into sleeping with a bunch of people (nothing against it, just not for me) and that seems to be all I'm running into. I even got one guy telling me he was married and wanted a 'hotel friend', but reassured me his wife was okay with it, but we had to be super-discreet and, of course, I couldn't contact him first. Yeah, I draw the line on things like that, so wasn't even going there.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up letting it go by the end of the year, so I'm not too worried about it. I just wish I could find one guy who wanted a nice, comfortable, committed relationship. With me and only me, let me not forget that part. Lol.

- It's not just you that's running into those sort of people. I've had a few guys wanting to sleep with me and nothing more. It's so annoying... it's like saying "I have a boyfriend" means nothing.

How long have you been seeing the FWB guy? Maybe he'll warm up like my boyfriend did.

@ Star_Cherry Yeah, not sure why some guys don't respect that. If you say you've got a boyfriend, that should be the end of it. Unfortunately, I'm not willing to just be some guy's ... vagina, pretty much (that's why I'm thinking I just couldn't do FWB again, even if we talk and do other things other than sex, which is how it is, now, just not very fulfilling). I feel like I'm worth more than just a roll in the hay, so I just avoid those guys. I tell them it's not for me, but they feel like I'm just opening negotiations or something. One guy even said I was slut shaming by not wanting to engage in casual sex. No. I don't care what other people do, they do what they feel is good for them. I just don't want to do it. How is that shaming anyone?

I've been seeing him since about the last week of March, I believe. As long as it's been, I'd think it would have progressed by now, if it was going to.

- You're not shaming anyone. It's just horny guys that can't accept that not every girl wants to just jump in bed with him. You respect yourself and that's admirable.

Yeah, 6 months seems like a reasonable time to progress a relationship. I think you should keep your plan to give him until the end of the year. If he doesn't warm up to the idea of a relationship by then, I don't think he ever will. While my relationship has been an extremely confusing roller coaster, at least it's progressed.

My boyfriend and I hooked up a year ago. At first, my boyfriend was hesitant on me calling him "boyfriend". But, on Valentines Day, he told me "happy Valentine's Day", which was 5 months after we hooked up. From that point on, he accepted being the boyfriend.

While we went through a break up in April, we saw each other and became FWB again for a few weeks. Then, we got back together. But, during the summer, I was questioning his feelings for me. I started falling for someone else. But, that crush ended badly, so I decided to give my boyfriend a second chance. To my surprise, he finally admitted he loved me a few weeks ago! Since then, I want to stay in a serious relationship with him.

Yeah, I know. It's just ... some guys. And thanks. :)

That's what I was thinking. I feel, six to eight months, if nothing, not even a suggestion has popped up, it's not heading there. I told myself, if it doesn't go anywhere by January 1st, it's not going anywhere. The time was nice and all, but I can't stay in something so unsure forever. I'm happy yours has progressed, though. While your boyfriend might not have been open, I don't think he was guarding as much as the guy I'm seeing is. Like I said, we start getting close and -boom- no contact for days. I feel he either doesn't like me that way, so he backs off to keep me from getting attached or he backs off to keep himself from getting attached. Now, if he doesn't like me that way, nothing can be done. If he has to keep himself from getting attached, well, if he isn't going to open up, I can do nothing. I'm fine, either way, really.

I've never even thought about calling him boyfriend. He'd probably faint, if I did, lol. We also haven't come to any holidays to really, I guess, show anything. We didn't know each other for Valentine's Day (it's so sweet your bf told you Happy Valentine's Day ... to me, that says he cared, even if he wasn't sure).And that's so sweet. I guess it kind of takes that first move. I've honestly been thinking about suggesting it and see what happens. If it ends, no real big deal because that means it wasn't going anywhere, anyway.

I can understand, totally, the questioning his feelings for you, it creeps up in my mind sometimes, but I stop it, because I feel like it's making me create an attachment, which I really don't want, if he's never going to get serious. I'm happy it turned out so great for you! Sometimes, relationships have to go through those rough bits to really show you how much you care and want to be with someone.

- Thank you! :)

I think you should make the first move before January 1st. If he ends up reacting negatively, confront him about why he acts the way he does. If he just goes on the defensive and makes things seem like it's your fault, leave him that day.

There may be a slim chance he'll realize he does have feelings for you if you don't see him for a while. It'll be up to you whether you want to see him again or not.

You're welcome!

I'm definitely thinking of doing it soon. He's gotten back into us being super close and I'm just waiting for the 'backing off' to happen, lol. I'm going over what I'm going to do when I do it. Thanks for the advice. If he tries to make it out to being my fault, yeah, I'm going to just let it go, even if I'll miss the friendship there. :(

Yeah, I'll see how that goes. Sometimes, losing someone is that kick you need to realize you do want to be with someone ... or the kick to realize it's better without them (for me, anyway).

- Sounds like a plan. I hope things work out, no matter what the outcome is.

I'm sorry that happened to you, that's awful =( yeah, I'm taking a long and possibly permanent break from relationships. we'll see. I think it's a good idea to not write the possibility off completely, but to realise that being single is much more fulfilling, healthy, and generally better than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't give you as much as you give them.

congrats on finding a good one!! I'm glad you guys are happy and both feel the same way about each other =)

exactly, it might work for others but it's not for me. humans are still such primitive life forms in terms of basic motivations (some more than others), it does get discouraging sometimes =/ (and by this I'm referring to cheating specifically, just to clarify)

good luck!! I hope that whatever happens, you end up the better for it and take good care of yourself. <3

Just jumping in here, only read the first post.

I think the right people like monogamy. I know my boyfriend watched his parents go through THEE UGLIEST divorce because his dad cheated. Boyfriend tends to lean towards his mom to begin with, but his dad is such a dick. Flash forward a few years, I move into their household. Parents almost bankrupted one another in their divorce battle, so they ended up "working it out" and living with one another again.

His dad is the most heinous person I could've ever come across. He cheated, took many of his wife's personal items, and then BOUGHT A HOUSE WITH THE NEW WOMAN.

Say the least, my boyfriend and I talk about if one was to cheat. Just talk about it. He's open with me about EVERYTHING and I am as well. Believe me, it's hard for me living with that dickhole of his father, but alas. They let me live here rent free.

I definitely want a monogamous relationship and, luckily, am with someone who feels the same. I have no desire to cheat or be with someone else and can't imagine I'd ever feel that way, and if I did want to be with someone else I know well enough to end my current relationship.

One of my closest friends have cheated on their partners multiple times. I've asked her many times why she does it, and she says it's a lot of different reasons - mostly that the thought of being with one person, possibly for the rest of her life, scares her when there are so many people out there that could be better for her. She has been cheated on, too, and it really upset her, even though she has done it herself. I think there are lots of different reasons why people do it, some just don't care and are selfish, and then some are really struggling with it and want to be able to be faithful.

I think in relationships, a conversation needs to happen where you tell your partner you want a strictly monogamous relationship, and to respect that and let you know if they ever want something different. And if they can't respect you enough to do that and cheat on you, leave.

Monogamy is something I have longed for my entire life and have yet to find exclusively. Most times I wondered myself if it really existed or not. I think that it all depends on the person.

Thanks. It really sucked. It's been almost two years since my last relationship (with a different guy) and honestly, I'm okay with that. Just give yourself time and who knows, maybe you'll find someone.

You certainly are not the only one. I believe in monogamy and my boyfriend and I have been monogamous for soon to be 9 years of our lives (granted there was an almost indiscretion on my side close to year two, but that was brought on by being away from home for college and wanting comfort while not having my boyfriend there with me). Ultimately I told my boyfriend about it and the most that happened was that I let the other guy sleep over one night and there was nothing more than that (and an almost kiss but it might not count because it didn't actually end up happening). I had ended my mutual crush with this guy after telling my boyfriend about the whole thing.

But just because I had that situation doesn't mean I am not monogamous, it was like I said, a fluke and it strengthened our relationship afterwards.

While I believe in monogamy I also believe that people's feelings and people themselves change, so someone you might have loved 5 years ago might not be the same person you want to be with now. Of course, I've been with my (first and only) boyfriend for almost a decade and there are some days when I wonder what it would have been like if I had dated other people. To me all that matters is that he makes me happy and that I make him happy. If for any reason this changes, then it might be time for us to go our separate ways no matter when it comes along, but I do still believe in monogamy.

To paraphrase (or even quote) a line from the Sex and the City movie, "not all love stories are epic novels, some are short stories but that doesn't make them any less full of love". I do hope my relationship will be a long and epic novel, but if it turns out to only have been a love lasting a decade, then it will have been a great love.

And sometimes you find the person you love very early on before you even know it and maybe you would return to that person in the end. Who knows. I'm not 100% sure soul mates exist, because that's too much pressure to find the person who is supposed to be with you for the rest of your life, whereas if you find someone you love and who loves you and is devoted to you, then that is (and should be) enough.

I'm sorry that you got cheated on, it's not a good feeling I'm sure, but you will find someone who wants to love you as much as you love them. But keep in mind communication is key. I find that people who end up cheating or getting cheated on don't have a strong open communication with their significant other (of course this isn't the same thing for all the cases, but it certainly seems to be a lot of them).

I believe in monogamy, but then I'm old. I know I was devastated the first time my husband cheated on me. Same for the 2nd, at that point I left. He left me emotionally damaged

I'm sorry to here what happened to you. I have been through what you're going through. But there are people out there that still believe in a monogamous relationship. I have been with my husband for over 20 years and I know he hasn't cheated on me. Take some time for yourself and you will get past this.