PAWS! ~Prompt-A-Week Stop!~
Replies
Since posting this notice of the latest Prompt release will cause me to be unable to post again with your critique I will edit this post with a critique for you when I finish reading and writing one for you. Also, Thanks for joining us! You made it just in time for our first week! :D
New Prompt is on the initial post until April 16th, 2016. I've decided to try and keep each week on this one thread and simply edit the main post when a new prompt is out. Previous prompts can still be responded to in the Forum Group's forum, and you can critique old prompts there as well. You are also welcome to repost your response there as well so it can be there for more critiques down the line if you would like. That way people will always have more prompts and responses later to work with.
Hello everyone, I'm Agi. I'm kind of new to writing so my stories might be a little unpolished. So, here's my entry, I don't think it matched the prompt very well, but it's the best I can do.
Marked
"Oi, missy, givus a 'ug would ya?"
This was the 49th time in the last hour, didn't this guy ever give up? "I'm a guy." He all but hissed, his slate eyes narrowed into slits.
The drunk just grinned at him, no doubt wasted beyond belief. "Ah, I cauldn't tell with yer long hair." Julian sighed, massaging his temples as he prepared himself for the 49th drunken lecture in the past hour. "No REAL man 'as long hair, tis girly and weak."
Julian tuned out the rest of the drunk's rant as he wiped down the bar, refilling empty cups as he went. “Hey, Julian. Take those dishes to the kitchen, will you?” Julian nodded at his co-worker, and, completely ignoring the drunk, grabbed a stack of dirty dishes and walked into the kitchen.
As he entered, Judith, the one thing he could appreciate about his job and his good friend, grinned at him, waving him over. Dumping the dishes in the sink next to her, he grinned back while gently tugging on her earlobe.
"Hey there, Jumbo." He teased, "How's the dish washing going?"
She smirked cheekily at him, "Hello, Rapunzel. Had any suitors call for you?" His face immediately soured and Judy laughed.
"There's nothing wrong with having long hair, Judy, you know that!" She sniggered under her breath as he turned away, pouting like child. Gently poking him in the cheek, Judy smiled at Julian, the white of her teeth a shocking sight against the brown of her face.
"Aw, you know I don't mean it, Jules." He turned away from, nose high in the air. "C'mon, don't be like that!" He refused to look at her. Judy sighed dramatically before walking away from the sink, hands on her hips. "I guess that means you don't want to see any magic..." His head whipped around so quickly, she could have sworn she'd heard it pop.
"Really? You're gonna do magic?" He was like a child going to Disneyland, bouncing on his toes energetically. She laughed, her brown eyes crinkling with warmth, "Yep, but you'd better keep quiet or we'll get in trouble again."
Julian calmed down almost immediately, a sombre look on his face. His eyes followed the curve of her arm until they reached her hand where her brand stood out, a bright white against dark brown. "You mean you'll get into trouble again." He said, quietly. Stepping forward he grasped her hand gently, running his fingers across the back of her hand, feeling the rough skin against his smooth fingertips. She pulled away, clutching her branded hand in her unmarked one. "Its fine, Jules. As long as we close the door this time, I'll be fine." He frowned, looking off to the side, “But... another brand and you'll be..." "Fine! Being marked as a mage isn't as bad as you think, Jules." Judy grinned, putting her hands behind her back while rocking on her heels. But it was. He'd seen the glares, the looks of disgust and hate. He’d heard of the depression caused by the lack of magic. Being marked as a mage as essentially the end of your life and he didn't want to lose a friend for something as inane as fun.
"Forget it, Judy. I'm not in the mood anymore." He turned away, intending to back to work. If he had turned he would have seen the look of mischief of his friend's face and saved himself some unnecessary pain.
"Hey, Julian!" He turned to look at her. "Wha-" A snowball smacked him in the face. Swiping the snow off, he glared at Judy, ready to give her a piece of his mind when he saw the snowy fields that lay around of him. "Judy!" He bellowed, "What did you do?"
"Changed our location." She grinned, "Isn't it great?" He watched mouth agape as she danced in the snowy field. "C'mon!" She shouted, "Let's play!" Julian stared at her. Mistaking his disbelief for hesitance Judy quickly explained, "I left doppelgangers at the bar to do our work and I teleported us as far north as possible so no one will know we ever left!"
The smile on Judy's face slowly slipped off the longer Julian stared at her. Did he not want to play after all? Or maybe she should have respected his wishes and gone back to plate washing...
A snowball whizzed through the air, planting itself perfectly in Judy's face. Julian roared with laughter as Judy fumbled around, trying to scrape the snow off her face. "Julian, what?" He grinned cockily at her, "I thought we were having a snowball fight? Or did you change your mind when you realized I'd beat you?" Judy grinned menacingly, "Them be fighting words, punk. Prepare yourself for the snowball fight of your life!" Julian laughed as he dodged a plethora of magically made snowballs and ducked for cover behind a rock.
While he'd never want Judy to be permanently marked, he also knew she was too headstrong to listen to reason. It was selfish, he knew, but while he still could, he was going enjoy Judy's magic and all the marvellous worlds it opened for him.
Edit: Had to reformat this since the paragraphs didn't copy over well.
SPOILER (click to toggle)
You definitely strayed, but it’s good! It honestly felt like I was reading a hard copy, popular book off the shelves of Barnes and Noble. I don’t have much to offer in critique except that you should go through and double check spelling/grammar. There were a few things I noted like “Cauldn’t” in the first paragraph. I’m curious what world this was spun from?
But good job, I really like this one and I don’t feel there’s really anything needing to change. If there’s any parts you felt uneasy about, please bring them up, we can go into detail. But overall, it reads clearly, your diction is varied & interesting, we have details, yet we’re left asking questions, which builds intrigue. All very good.
I’m condensing this post to include my own submission here to get around the double-posting rule. So, YES! I would like Critiques! They can be inboxed to me, or Posted in the forum group forum.
SPOILER (click to toggle)
When I woke in the common room of Ravenclaw’s dormitory, I knew it was late. The common room was never so quiet, and the fire in the hearth had dimmed considerably. I lifted my arms to stretch, noticing the ink that had coated the side of my writing hand, I sighed. To be expected when I study, I thought to myself as I turned my attention back to my paper. After reading over the Potions report, I put the final touches on the paper and shoved it into my bag.
Getting up, I fished out a cloak from my bag and flung it around my shoulders. It wasn’t a perfectly working cloak, but it hid me well enough. Disillusionment charms were a strong suit of mine, but I was still a learning student so my cloaks rarely worked for long. I slipped out of the common house and headed for the Barnabas the Barmy tapestry.
It seemed fitting to make my magical mark there, because what I had planned was so foolish in theory, but so neat in practice. I had a stop to make on the way, and I easily ducked into the classroom I had needed to stop in. It was old and rarely used, no one would notice the missing desk. The problem was moving the desk. There was no room under my cloak and the hallways were regularly patrolled. Still, it wouldn’t be the first time and I wasn’t to far off from my final destination.
I pushed the desk and chair out into the hallway. Minor disillusionment charms helped keep us to the shadows but if anyone were to walk into me, I’d be found in a heartbeat. I also managed to silence the noise that came from dragging them down the hallway. As I turned the corner of the long hallway, I realized I could see a patrolling professor’s light at the end of the hallway.
My heart raced, and I told myself to keep calm. I couldn’t make out which professor it was but it didn’t matter, most at this point patrolled only out of being forced to or didn’t suspect students to try and leave their dorms in the night. I’d made a habit of sticking along the walls during these trips, and as luck would have it, it would be my saving grace now. Professor Nossen was new and dimwitted here, I didn’t expect he’d stay much longer. He was shaking his wand in frustration as the light from it’s tip dimmed out. “Lumos!... Lumos, I said! Bloody hell…” he muttered to himself as his heels clicked on by me.
When he turned the corner, out of sight, I continued tugging the desk and chair down the hallway. I’d been working on this since I came to Hogwarts. It wasn’t anything major, but it kept my mind focused on my learning, since I often got to practice magic working on the plan. As far as I could tell, everything was nearly complete. I had spent months just getting the initial spell right. It had taken pouring over disillusionment books for hours at a time. The upside was I was specifically good at just that sort of charm and the study only improved it.
I reached the wall where the Barnabas tapestry hung and lined the chair and desk up against the opposite wall and paced three times in front of the tapestry, thinking long and hard to myself, “I need a place to study.” each time. The doors appeared just in time to see the light of another professor turning the corner at the end of the hall. I hurried myself through the door. pulling the desk and chair into the room just in time.
I leaned against the doors and let out a sigh of relief. Finally, I thought as I looked at my creation. Before me was a neat and tidy room, perfect for studying. A desk nearby held a copy of my logbook, open to my last entry and sitting beside it was a fresh quill with ink. I lined up the desk I’d brought with others already here and recorded it in the book.
My room of Requirement was almost complete, or at least, it was started. Future generations would find it, they would need it and it would open to them when they needed it most. I’d taken care to stock several rotations of room types. A warehouse of sorts, for those who need to store things. A study room, that I now stood in, with everything one would need for studying. A broom closet, for the day a hard-working janitor might be in need of something more as he goes about his work day. I couldn’t make it stock food of course, but I had provided as many creature comforts as I could.
I’d spent months pilfering things from abandoned rooms and learning different spells in them. I’d nearly gotten caught more than once. Now, I felt like I could leave properly as I graduated and went on into the world to find a job and prepare for my future. I hadn’t left my name anywhere, I’d never wanted too but, I would always know the treat I’d left the school.
I walked back to the door, ready to leave for the last time. Adjusting my cloak I looked back over my shoulder one more time, “May those who require a room, find this Room of Requirement.” I whispered. I opened the door and left my legacy behind.
New Prompt! Please tag your friends!
Sorry I haven't been up to writing critiques or responding to them. Glad to see some new faces here though!
Responding to the prompt: "You’ve lived your whole life under the guise of thinking you are sane. Yesterday, they gave you a new medicine, and this morning, you wake up and feel reality set in as you realize how out of touch you’ve been. With this new lease on your life, what do you do?"
Once
One pill. One time. Everything changed.
They kept me drugged. They kept me stupid. I had no idea how twisted it was. It was life, nothing more or less. I wasn’t a person. My feelings were encouraged when I was happy, but sadness was not tolerated. So they drugged me. Over and over again they drugged me. I thought I was sane, I thought I was alright. I thought the entire situation was normal. Heh. How fucked up is that?
When the doctor gave the antidote I could see like I’d never done before. The fog started to lift. When I look back I recognize the gaping holes in my memory and I worry. Still, noticing the lack is new and I fiercely embrace the knowledge. I am seeing the days, the months, the years that I have lost in the fog of madness they induced.
I lost myself. Every day that the “medicine” wore me down I lost a little scrap of my soul. What remains is threadbare and held together by will and fury. They stole from me in a deeper way than anyone else.
They hurt me. Now it’s time to hurt them back.
I will be free of these chemical chains they locked me in. I will not make the same mistake again. In time I may forgive, however unlikely, but I will never forget what they cost me. My sanity. Myself. What remains of my heart is bitter as a widow’s tears and I will not rest until I have my revenge.
[EDIT] Hi Agi! I'm really glad you decided to join here ^-^ Bah, "unpolished" describes potential, not something bad. Plus I'm pretty unpolished too :P I really like the world you created 0-0 The details on the surroundings were a little vague, but you still laid some killer groundwork! Have you written pieces in this world before? It sounds like you have a society worked out in your head when it comes to being marked and the implications of it. It's fabulous o-o I love the humanity of the characters too. I wish I could see more of them, since a bit like this could work as a great hook for a longer story. ^-^ Overall? Great job <3
They/Them
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Sorry that this came a little late, I’ve been having some trouble with the prompt.
Thanks for the kind words and critiques! 😀 The world is my own invention, inspired by Howl’s Moving Castle (the book, not the movie). I kind of feel the writing (in my story), especially in the beginning, was clunky and the dialogue very awkward. Any tips on how to improve on that?
Critique: I thoroughly enjoyed this. The descriptions are terrific, and the suspense is cleverly built-up. I don’t know much about Harry Potter( I think this is based on Harry Potter, correct me if I’m wrong) so some terms (e.g lumos, Barnabas the Barmy tapestry) flew right over my head but I still found it to be accessible and entertaining, and it didn’t detract from the story at all. I do have a few critiques but they’re all grammatical details, like in this sentence,
I hurried myself through the door. pulling the desk and chair into the room just in time.
I hadn’t left my name anywhere, I’d never wanted too but...
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Hi, Dot! I’m really happy to have joined here. 😃 Thanks for the critiques and compliments, I appreciate them. I’ve never written anything in this world until now, actually, though I have been building it for a while. I’m glad you like it. 😄 I have to say, I thought my characters were the weakest part of the story, so I’m surprised (and flattered) to hear that you liked them so much. 😊
Critique: I really like this story. It’s so dark and vengeful, I can practically hear the seething anger in the narrator’s voice. The short sentences pack a big punch and compliment the longer sentences perfectly. There’s one thing I noticed though:
How loveed up is that?
Unless that’s some new lingo I haven’t heard of before (totally possible, I live under a rock), I think you meant something else. ^.^; Other than that, I don’t have any critiques to give you. Overall, a wonderful story!
o-o Oh my goodness! Well congrats on a hellova start in writing~
More Thoughts
I did like the humanity of the characters. Weak? I didn't see it that way. Hmmm.... I think the a reason your characters might not seem as strong as you'd like is detail. The bones strong and are all there, they just could be fleshed out a bit with what they are experiencing. What do they smell? Is their heart pounding? All that.
I know that in some cases details can be overdone, but! You can use the five senses to help bring things to life. ^-^
Also! Thank you for the compliments! ;-; This one was an intense piece for me, however short it was :P The weird word? I'm afraid I was swearing. It shows up on my screen so maybe you have different profanity settings? .-. Dunno on that one.
They/Them
Hi all, Q here. waves
Be as severe as you can; I want to improve. n.n;
prompt 2
11 Oct
Ugh. Just ugh. Why even bother? So I did go and check out the chess club, but it still happened. I know, I know—it’s selfish to complain, but having famous parents is annoying. That’s all everyone wants to talk about—like I’m not even my own person.
Except of course for Sara. Best. Roomie. Ever!
To bad we don’t have classes together, but she’s a music major.
14 Oct
The hall is so festive now!! Yeah Halloween is probably my favorite day because I get to be someone else. :P I can even be a pickle!
Yeah…right. I hate pickles but Sara’s been leaving her gross leftover jars WITH juice or whatever still in them EVERYWHERE so now it smells like Lavender Subreeze & grossness.
I confronted her about it & she said it was a ploy to get me to get out of the room & socialize. Ugh.
16 Oct
My anxiety meds were changed. Again. Ugh. That last withdrawal was ugly, so I demanded a reason & he said that it just passed its trials & my parents insisted. Ugh. OF COURSE. Thanks mom, thanks dad. Again.
I told Sara to hide her jars or else they’ll be used in case of an emergency. She laughed. So did I but I was only half joking.
17 Oct
18 Oct
Sara’s always still asleep by the time I
Something terrible must have happened to her and I
I am
19 Oct
My medication wasn’t for anxiety; it never was. But I am sick. Or I was. Or I am. For the past few days, my thoughts have been going in circles, over and over I am trapped in the same runaway train of thought because if I thought I was normal then, if i thought I was in my right mind then—when I was not—then how can I trust my own judgement? Even now? How can I tell what’s real and what is not?! Something was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.
Here I go, from the beginning again: Sara went missing for a few days and I could not contact her. I asked the RA, but she dismissed me. I went to the office and they didn’t know who I was talking about. My roommate! The denied I had one. I was hysterical and angry. They told me it was too early for Halloween pranks, and I stormed out of there and asked everyone, from music professors to hall mates and no one knew her. When I could remember so clearly how her laugh sparkled and the earthy tones she liked to wear. No one else knew her. I went to our the room and rummaged through her stuff. I could not find an address or references to parents or any sort of family. My eyes caught sight of the french horn case, and I opened it. My hands knew what they were doing but the rest of me trembled.
I played a song I didn’t know.
Hastily, I returned it and went straight to the mini fridge, took a pickle and took a big bite.
Delicious.
I cried.
But Sara would always be there when I cried.
And now I know why.
Things I thought were true, people that were such good friends to me—they were never real!
Nick Dakota Liza Shay Jen Sara—I could not find any record of them at all.
They only exist for me!
I made them up. I made them up. I made them all up.
I can’t believe I did but I DID believe it.
It was real to me.
I cannot—I can’t—How can I even trust myself?
Now that I know—what am I going to do? How can I even live? Who am I?
Ha maybe it was better then—better before—when I trusted myself. I was full of angst but I was actually really happy now that I know what happiness is, can I never have it again?
Wait. That was all a lie—it was. Not. Real. I. am. me.
I can just start fresh—have a whole new life and have real friends—actual people. And my parents. They knew—but went along with me and tried to give me a normal life; I did not give them enough credit. And they did ‘fix’ me with this medication…but do I want to be ‘fixed?’ I cannot trust myself. Who is real. What I believe.
I am what I believe.
25 Oct
My head throbs but I will be okay.
On a side note, this is the last entry in this diary. I spilled my tea and the pages are so wet and the ink is seeping through and ruining itself, that even these words are difficult to read.
And Halloween is right around the corner! I have to decide on a costume. Something I can do with Sara.
Hi Q! Nice to meet you! Glad you posted :3
I really really liked your story, so I don't know how severe I can be. It was a truly fantastic concept with a stellar ending. WHAM it packed a punch! Great emotional and mental connection with the narrator. <3
Critique
You mentioned famous parents in the first paragraph but didn't revisit it elsewhere. I'd say either ditch the mention or bring it up again later in the journal entries when the tide turns. Were they really famous? Was it the best treatment money could buy? Things like that may connect the two things.
I'm not sure what you meant when you said
You also mentioned other friends like Sara. Elaborate? Did she spend time with them? Go out to movies with them? Have memories with them? How long had she known them and who were they to her?
They/Them
New Prompt is up! Sorry for it being a day late. I had a terrible time trying to access the site the last day, and I am running out of ideas for prompts! Would love to see some submitted ideas!
and I have written you each responses either to a ping you sent me or a critique to your post in this google doc. my words are purple and whats directed to you is titled and separated by lines. It was too long to post in here >.< Sorry. I may be still adding some to my response to you QqQ, But overall I really liked your post much like Dot and am not sure where to offer you any advice.
Thank you for the critique! I think you made a lot of sense. I also think you're right in that there is more to this story (and it would be good for me to write it in many ways...). I think, if I have the courage to continue writing it, I would let the fragment be a prologue monologue then let the first chapter switch to third person perspective where I elaborate on the character's story. I'm actually considering blending the bit I wrote with a bit for this week's prompt. o-o;; You're poking fabulously at my creativity here. :P
They/Them
& ...your usernames are so cute together n.n ahem Anyway, thanQ for the reviews!!
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Before the emergency jar line, the MC talks about a bad withdrawal from the last medication. There are all sorts of withdrawal experiences, including bouts of vomiting. I wanted it to be subtle because the MC doesn't want to linger on the memory, but I made it way too vague.
As for the Nick Dakota Liza Shay Jen people, again, the previous line was: people that were such good friends to me—they were never real! It meant that Sara was not the first one & that this was not a temporary or short term thing she was dealing with. Who they were doesn't matter; they existed only for her like Sara.
& the drafted ending differed in that the MC wakes up in a hospital with a fractured skull (& that's how she looses her memories of discovering the truth) and she's actually thankful for her parents being able to treat her to the best. I ditched that idea because I wanted it to have a bigger impact so I decided to leave the ending vague until you discover the MC's fate at the last possible moment.
That said, I struggled with the end, because she could just read her diary & rediscover the truth, so I had to do something~maybe I should've gone with 'ripped out pages' after all? It's still a struggle. (haha)
Mmmm so I need to make certain things more explicit? I took it for granted that it's a diary so the MC would of course have a certain frame of mind; she wouldn't need to explain details to herself, especially when she's having a breakdown.
note to self Work on clarity. ThanQ again!
is cuter than I am though, Trust me! :o But Thank you xD
Well, This week's prompt hasn't received any responses thus far. I'm going to extend it one more week, unless people show that it was a lack of interest in Prompt rather than time constraint issue.
With that said, Are you planning to respond to this week's prompt? If not is it a Time issue or Interest issue?
Again, I want to thank those who have been participating thus far and those who have added us to their signature. That's really awesome of you guys and I can't tell you how happy and grateful I am each time I see a response or our Signature Ad!
I haven't participated yet because I just found out about this yesterday and joined the ping group. However, I'm waiting until the next prompt because I'm not that interested in this one. I'm not much into writing sci-fi.
:* Don't be ridiculous dear, you're adorable.
Also I am working on the prompt but since I suspect it'll be part of an ongoing project that will take some time, you don't need to feel obligated to extend the deadline for me :P
What I have so far :P
The world has changed. Every generation says the same thing, though many things have stayed the same since the beginning of humanity. There is still love, there is still despair, there is still violence and greed. The greed of humanity is insatiable, and it was the fire that forged what the world has become.
The year 2137 dawned bright as the glistening rays of dawn hit the metallic monstrosity every city had become. Of course, such cities are hailed as triumphs, man’s mastery over the savagery of nature. The ancient Industrial Revolution was nothing compared to the Shining Era. The barbaric times of men laboring to create goods had passed. It should have been a peaceful paradise, but humans do not flourish without challenges. Now the challenges are man made as everything else these days. In past centuries it was kings and governments that declared war, now borders are vaguely meaningless. The corporations reign and every city a battlefield. Another success they say. A more civilized time. Perhaps it was… after all blood washes off of the metal so much easier than the mud and stick constructions of the past.
Jati de Jasha was but a small cog in the mechanism of the Shining Era. She barely remembered her father, her mother was just a phrase tossed around at corporate holidays. Her lithe frame and slight height of 5’3 was sometimes mistaken for delicate. That was a deadly mistake. Some even looked into her gently rounded face and glistening grey eyes hoping to see mercy. They were wrong too.
Recruited at a young age for her accuracy and speed, Jati had served Pasha United for years. It was her cornerstone, her bedrock, her life. Surely nothing could shake the industrialized society at that point. But something did. Nature would not be denied long, and it would not go quietly into the night.
Plants and animals alike started to appear where they should not be. Squirrels in the rafters, and plants in the chinks between the metal sheets of sidewalk. Nothing of serious alarm happened at first. Then the factories started breaking down as they were reclaimed by forest and whispers began of a new terrorist organization of people. They were called “Fauna” and for once many of the corporations were united in one thing. They were declared enemies.
Executives and foot-soldiers alike began to vanish. Jati was one of the people who disappeared. Friendless as she was, no one wept.
Thank you for the response to the critique ^-^ (and the compliment ^///^)
They/Them
New Prompt is up! I went ahead and waited to post up this one because A)I'd like to keep prompts to Saturdays. and B) I was a little swamped in trying to write responses and give critiques and come up with a new prompt.
I'll be trying to catch up on Critiquing this week by sending responses to those who haven't received any critiques to their private mail.
As always, Past prompts have a place in the PawSTOP forum, and you are more than welcome to post on those there for critiques if you finish up a prompt late, or want to do more prompts or missed one. :)
Wow, it's been a while since I last posted. Sorry about that, I got sick. =(
Thanks for the tips! I kept them in mind while writing this week's response. Hopefully I'll have improved. =)
I didn't know there was a profanity filter, sorry! >.< In that case never mind! Your writing was perfect!
Anyway, my response to this week's prompt is here. I think I actually kept it to the prompt this time! =)
Quick note: This is the beginning of CYOA project (inspired by the prompt) I've started so the ending supposed to trail off like that. Choices are supposed to placed after it but it was already super long so I cut it short.
Helloo!~ ^__^ I'm new-ish to Subeta and this thread, ahaha. c: Just wanted to stop byyyy~
Hotel Prompt
My desk was cluttered with all sorts of paperwork, books, pens and pencils strewn across the desk haphazardly, barely an inch of actual desk left exposed. Nevertheless, I still tapped away on my computer, unperturbed by the mess. Maybe there was some part of my brain that just didn't respond to chaos the way some other people did; I didn't even realize that it was messy half of the time.
Luckily, my boss never seemed to care, but that may be due to the fact that he seldom showed up to work. I didn't mind, as long as my paycheck came on time so I could cover the bills-- let him be missing forever, for all I cared. I worked the front desk of a hotel, not a ritzy, swanky hotel, but a one to two star, casual hotel that, to be honest, barely anyone stopped by at, aside from bickering couples that needed time away from home. Frankly, if I had a choice, I wouldn't want to stay at our hotel either-- maybe it was the light at the end of certain halls that seemed to refuse to stay on, or maybe it was the strange skittering I imagined at night, or maybe it was just all the strange characters that checked in: the balding man with lime green hair who had a leery smile, or the cranky businessmen and women who always checked out of our hotel with darker circles than they had prior to checking in.
However, I had just gotten off the phone with the aforementioned businesswoman, and she was complaining about hearing shrieks and hollers coupled with "Please!". I figured it was someone's kinky fetish, but as hotel staff, it was my job to go investigate. Maybe my moral code was too wholesome. I mean, I could have just left it alone since my boss would probably never find out.
I shrugged, grabbing my cellphone, the corresponding room keys, and a can of pepper spray just in case. I didn't know what kind of a crazy lunatic I could be running into, better safe than sorry.
Room 204. The metal plate was crooked and there were three deep scratches running through it. Like claws. I gulped, halting in front of the door, listening, my ear pressed against the burnished wood. I heard it, a gut wrenching yelp, a gurgle. "I'll never tell you where the codex is-", another grunt as something hit him. My eyes widened in panic as I fumbled to get the key into the lock (A/N: wow, I don't even think hotels use keys anymore-- don't they all use key cards now? XDD Whoopsies), trembling.
I pushed the door forward, the hinges letting out a loud squeak as everyone in the room whipped their heads towards me, eyes blazing. I winced. So much for my plan to enter silently.
Two men, each of a muscular yet lithe build, reminding me of large lions on the prowl, squatted beside a much more slender young man on the floor, who wouldn't have been older than 20. The man on the left had a slender face and an aquiline nose, tapering into a feral grin, his eyes darting around my face, as if he was somehow already ascertaining how much of a threat I was, whereas the man on the right was the opposite with a square jaw, a wide nose coupled with a frown and dull, bored eyes.
The young man was on the ground, his shirt almost in ribbons, ugly red bruises starting to form. My eyes stopped on his side. Burn marks were forming, blistering his skin, liquid filled pustules rising. What kind of sick torture was this?
The man with a sharp gaze got up with an ease, an elegant grace, and stalked towards me, his boots no more than a silent whisper against the wood floor. My gut flip flopped into my throat. A midnight blue orb materialized on his palm as he aimed at my chest. I clutched my sweaty bottle of pepper spray.
... and that's all I have for now. That was a really abrupt ending, ahaha. XD I'm a bit too lazy to continue, and my writer's block hasn't been helping ahaha. Oh whale. c: I feel like I"m definitely lacking some detail in my writing for this one. >.< Ahaha, but at least writing something is better than nothing!
:3
Hotel
When the days are your nights and the nights your days, it’s almost like the world is always working against you. Shopping and doctor’s appointments are a pain, because they just don’t function like you do. Well, it’s not like I have tons to spend or I get sick a lot, it’s just something to think about.
Because nothing ever happens here. Sometimes I actually get to talk to a person, and if it’s not Duncan, the sports fanatic security guard, then that’s exciting. Well, it’s not that—brrriiing
I quickly glanced at the watch—2:18—before sitting up straight and clearing my throat to rattle off the memorized customary greeting phrase, “Thank you for calling the front desk, this is—”
“Baxton, this is Nora, room 312, can you check next door? There’s a terrible thumping coming from there.”
“Yes of course Ms. Nora, I’ll be there straight away; I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you.”
I hung up, slouched over and buried my head in my arms. Ahhh yes, Ms. Nora. Nutty Nora. She’s been here three days and every night it’s the same complaint, at the same time. But there was no one near her.
Just then, Duncan came by on his rounds and simply said, “Nora alert?”
I chuckled and asked him to watch the desk as I made my way to the elevator.
“But this time there's a guy checked in 314. He’s with the circus or ran from it or something.”
I went back to the counter to grab the master card key, and he laughed while he asked me if I was going to be alright on my own. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the lift, where I was greeted with that bright ding.
And, unsurprisingly, what I did not hear was any noise. I sighed as I rounded the corner to 314, knocked, and stated my business.
There was no answer. I stood there for about two minutes before stepping over to knock upon 312, where I waited for Nora’s orange nightgown to blind my eyes.
But my eyes were safe; she didn’t come out. I tried thrice, but there was no response. I took the master card from my vest pocket, and tapped it against the card reader, hesitating. Well, it’s an invasion of privacy, but I do have reason for concern…so I swiped, turned the handle, and said in a louder voice, “Ms. Nora? This is Baxton from the front desk—”
snort Startled, I turned on the light to find her snoozing on the chair. Bless her. Well, as long as things are fine as they are, there’s no need to-thump
I walked to the wall, and thump there it was again. I gave Ms. Nora a silent apology as I eased my way out of 312 and made my way to 314 as silently as I could.And I waited.
Thump It was louder; it was definitely from within this room.Thump
Hypnotized by the sound—oh who am I kidding, I was downright scared. And I just stood there, with my ear pressed against the door. I regathered my courage and knocked.
The Thump answered me, so I gripped the master key and swiped quickly, almost too quickly.
Thump I opened the door and choked on cheap cigar smoke. My eyes watered as I fumbled for the lights. I gasped (and coughed even more) for there were bright clothes and masks strewn everywhere. Clown masks.
If I didn’t want to run away before, I certainly did now. I took a step back, and then another, when Thump I realized in a panic that I had not yet seen the occupant. Thump I didn’t even know his name. Thump But I had to know what caused that sound. Thump
My feet carried me through the main room to the closet door. THUMP “SIR, I AM OPENING THIS DOOR.” THUMP
I grabbed the handle and flung it open.THUMP With my own heart THUMPING like mad, my eyes darted around and there on the floor was a small stereo. THUMP
I pressed the OFF button, tensely waited, and that was the end of the noise. I made a quick dart to the bathroom, confirmed no one was there, and dashed out of there, slamming the door behind me.
I bolted for the elevator, and the ding instantly gave me some relief. On the way down, my mind grasped at a means to explain what had happened—and my fear turned to embarrassment and anger. I was played. Duncan. He even hinted before, with that circus line!
Puffed up, marched over and rounded on him, “There are no occupants next to 312.”
“Yep.”
“That’s it? You go through all of that setup to not even laugh when the joke’s done?!”
“What are—”
“Don’t give me that—come with me!” I practically dragged him by the arm up to 314, swiped in, swung the door open, and held my breath.
We stared into the darkness. Did I turn off the lights? I flipped them on and the breath was taken out of me when I saw the room was unoccupied. No smoke, no clothes, no masks. I dragged him to the closet—empty.
“Bax, is there something wrong? I mean, this is no time for a joke, being this loud at this time of night. It was fun, but come on, we’ve got to get back to work.”
“Alright.” But until we got back to the desk, I did not let go of his arm.
“Maybe you should take a night off? Get some daylight in your life and see a game or—”
“Nahh, I’ll be fine; you caught me so easily. I’ll have to work harder next time.”
That night I didn’t sleep. I didn’t feel like shopping, and I shouldn’t anyway. I didn’t feel like going to the doctor, though I probably should’ve. When I went back to work, I was chipper and eager to go back to being boring. Well, not boring, but I had enough excitement to last a while. But I should probably find another job at a—brrriiing
Out of habit, I looked. 2:18.
I said nothing.
“Baxton, this is Nora, room 312, can you check next door? There’s a terrible thumping coming from there.”
New Prompt is up! Old Prompt will be moved into the PawSTOP forum soon as I get through these critiques.
I try to make responding to each and everyone's prompt with a critique and getting a prompt up every Saturday my main priority, then followed by writing and presenting my own prompt. The last one I haven't been getting to as quickly, as I keep writing too much, but you can eventually find my responses posted in the PawSTOP forum under each respective week if any of you were hoping to critique back, and of course, your fellow posters would love critiques too. :)
and I am actively working through critiques for each of you in order. You can actually see as I critique in real time :D I am at work though, so there may be pauses at times.
