woo, congrats!

My goals: 200m (start 50m) current 94m 11500 wardrobe (start 9,538) current 10,008 2500 plushies (start 1936) current 2102 1250 each stat (start 1160) current 1180

I hit 10k wardobe items and 2100 plushies :D

Congratsssssss :D

Yup. I see two trauma therapists and a psychiatrist, who prescribes me the meds I was on last time. But it's not just depression, it's also anxiety. I've only had one other major depressive episode before and I can't believe I didn't see the signs. At least I haven't cut myself this time so far. My dad actually had to keep my meds for a month while I was adjusting to the medications because my psychiatrist and I told him that I wanted to die and I would use his gun, but the only reason I haven't done it is because I would feel bad for the people that had to go in my extremely messy room and deal with my fat body.

But I haven't had those thought for a few weeks, but today was so stressful (and my dad contributed to that, as did my mother) that I just blurted out that I wanted to cut myself so bad, but I don't want to, but I'm really struggling.

We were talking about my appointment earlier today and I said I figured out that the physical abuse isn't really the issue for me, it was the emotional. I said sometimes I feel like I'm being over dramatic but I'm not, and he said I shouldn't be flinching when a shadow of a bird flies over me and I hunch myself and shield my face, then he said he didn't want to be dragged into my shit.

That's when I said fuck you and nearly left, and he said he didn't mean to say that even though he obviously did because he said it, but he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Whatever. In comes my mom, as usual inserting herself into my conversations with my father and she asked what happened, I told her, and then she goes on a rant about how I'm a bitch and I blame her for everything and I'm her enemy and vengeful and being a drama queen and telling me not only should I have been over it by now, but that I am faking it and/or I want to feel this way.

That started because my parents said we never beat you with a belt til you were ten (my dad NEVER EVER hit me, with a belt or otherwise) and I was like uh, yah you did. We still lived in our old house, and I was around 4 or so and sometimes I woke up really early, so I sat on the curb a little south from my house, but on the same block, and watched the morning happen. She freaked out, yelled at me, and in I went for my first belt-beating.

And when I asked if I could go clothes shopping with my dad instead (I was around 8/9) he said no, because he went with my brother and I went with my mother, but he thought we did go shopping together instead. Nope. She came into the dressing room with me and if something didn't fit, hit me and told me how fat and ugly I was and how boys don't like fat girls and I'd never get a husband, even though at that early age I was entering puberty and PCOS had started to come into play.

Er, sorry. I kind of get carried away. There's so much more stuff I could say, but like I said to her, I forgave her and do not blame her, even though she never apologized or asked for forgiveness. I said I understand, but the physical part doesn't bother me as much as the emotional trauma, even though it tied together often.

Also, I have panic disorder with agoraphobia. So panic attacks often, and I hate leaving my own room, let alone the house. I'm on 3 mg of lorazepam a day and it makes me tired but keeps my anxiety a bit more manageable. I did apply for supplemental security income because I can't work like this, and hopefully I will hear from them soon. However, I was able to get Medicaid, and I don't have to pay anything, except sometimes 1,2, or 3 dollars for meds, and 3 dollars for the dentist's copay.

That's why I feel like a failure, basically.

Congrats!!! :D

, congratulations!

congrats on reaching your goal! good luck on reaching your next goal!!

Congrats on reaching your goal! 100mil is just around the corner :)

Congrats on hitting your goal!! And good luck with the next one :D (also to you two, and - sorry it's so late!)

I do enjoy being spoiled, but only for special occasions like birthdays or christmas though and not just for no reason xD Yesss for ahead of schedule! I only need like 5.2m a day -thumbs up-

I just made all da sp I could while it was still really profitable (then poofed to flight rising for a few days cause of the ice vs. nature conquest) SAVING IS GOOD. GO U. And indeed. I love two cakes. They were both really good.

a loooot of vanilla extract and baking powder, like people being cray and buying them for 3m+ each like ok i'll cash in on it. People got so up in arms about people hiking up prices when its like... I'm not doing that? I'm just pricing it at what people at the time were willing to pay.

I like being busy though, even if I hate doing the work. I like the busy-ness of it all because I'm the type of person who needs to do /something/ all the time. I can't handle being idle and hate not doing something with my hands (Which does make lectures where no good info being told hard)

YAY CONGRATULATIONS. GOOD WORK ON THAT :D

YAAAAAAS GO U. U GO GLEN COCO.

Oh lord, I know the lonely feeling. I'm really sorry you've had so many hardships and I know I can't say anything that'll make it better but you definitely aren't a failure or a burden. It's not your fault that people don't appreciate you for the person you are regardless of your mental headspace. Just because you're depressed and anxious doesn't mean you should be appreciated any less. Just take it one day at a time and remember that you aren't a failure.

I'm also sorry that you feel the need to self harm. I've been there and I haven't done that for over 9 months now so I hope you can get to the point where you feel good enough that you can go without.

Got you beat. I have 5 older siblings by my mum and 2 older siblings and one younger by my dad (though I've never met my dads other kids or him)

LOOK AT YOU GO. If I make 10m a day at this point I'll be done by the end of next month -thumbs up- Hoping to make it done before then though.

This is my daily update.

WEEK THREE:

March 15th, 2016: 463,239,771 (+8,534,672)

March 16th, 2016: 586,239,608 (+122,999,837)

March 17th, 2016: 606,525,454 (+20,285,846)

March 18th, 2016: 618,075,113 (+11,549,659)

March 19th, 2016: 632,464,336 (+14,389,223)

Thank you for your understanding and support. I have been feeling like I need to, but I haven't so far, at least since 2013, I think. But sometimes it's like an intense urge, like you need to go to the bathroom but you don't want to wake up and leave your warm bed. Necessary and unpleasant, I suppose. Although I have stopped thinking about (and wanting to) kill myself for the most part, so that's better. I'll get through this, too, even if I feel pessimistic (because it's my second major episode, and like I said, I've been happy maybe a total of four years in my life, from sophomore in high school (when the first ended) and until the end of my freshman year at undergrad (start of the next), so I feel like I'm never going to lead a normal life, or at least a stable one.

Get dat saggi.

Quick post cause I just spent an annoyingly amount of time trying to update all the goals.

I see, I assume that means I need to start restocking more ;) also, if I want to add another goal can I ping you as well?

Get dat rsing done! (502's disagree tho)

and yeah I guess for now just ping me xD

last night it was horrible! but yeah, I shall try it, thankfully my early mornings work well since not that many people are online yet.

I was wondering, could I add my subq collection to my goals? I'm missing 55 items to once again have a complete collection. for me it feels like I need to have a "spendy" goal as well cause spending sp keeps me from spending real money on stuff like stationery goodies. xD

Started at 585mil on the 6th and just hit 700mil =D

Think I will update my goal to 800mil. Although I am running out of stuff to sell!

The end of the month is near so it would be soon!

I counted on only making 5 mil a day, so now i'm 39mil ahead of my daily goal and i haven't even started yet for today. I made 13mil today! 49mil to go. If I do it at my current rate i'm done in 5 days and then it will cost me 124mil to boost Paul to t12. If I do it at a slightly slower rate it will take me 7 days and cost me 117mil to boost paul to t12.

[edit] Congratulations! Certainly up it to 800, there is still plenty of sprint time left!

- Thank you. I think I will go for 800mil then c:

Luckily Uni has been so full on that I have not had time to spend all of my sp. If it carries on like this I should get there fine before the semester ends haha.

Congratssss! I'm sure you'll be able to make it to 800!

Congrats on reaching your goal!! 🎉 👍 Go for 800!! :D

huge congrats on reaching your goal....good luck on your new goal!