Everything is better with avocado, and 'nacho dip' is often quite broadly interpreted to the point of bland greasiness instead of, y'know flavor. So have to be the guac

Mole or Salsa Verde?

Salsa verde! I love the stuff. Yum.

Baked apples topped with a drizzle of sweet cream, or warm apple cobbler topped with vanilla bean ice cream?

Warm apple cobbler!

Onion rings or French fries?

Onion rings

Sour Cream and Cheddar Potato Chip or Barbecue Potato Chip?

Sour Cream and Cheddar Potato Chip

alka seltzer or pepto bismol?

Those are not foods, and they both suck. Picot is better by far.

Chili Cheese Fries, or Bacon Avocado Burger?

Bacon Avocado Burger, but hold the bacon. :P

Beef jerky or dried sausage sticks (like a slim jim)?

Beef Jerky.

Mushroom Calzone or Spinach Dip w/ Bread?

Spinach dip! I've never had a mushroom calzone. I'm sure I'd like it, cuz I love mushrooms, though.

Grilled cheese with tomato or tuna melt?

Tuna melt

Egg salad sandwich w cashew or (beef) Patty melt w grilled onion?

patty melt!

hummus with pita bread or nachos with cheese?

Hummus, please!

Tacos or burritos?

burritos!

beets or brussel sprouts?

Brussel Sprouts.

Beef & Broccoli Stir-Fry or Taco Pizza?

Beef & broccoli. I've never had taco pizza.

Donuts or muffins?

donuts! Because muffins are easier to make, so I make them at home often enough anyway... And besides, a homemade muffin can be amazing, but I've also had a lot of bad muffins over the years... They can be DREADful...

basil or cilantro?

Cilantro!

garlic or onion?

Garlic! I love it.

White rice or egg noodles?

Hmm... Egg noodles if I'm making soup, but white rice if I'm making curry!

Probably the noodles, because the pan is easier to clean out after the meal, if I really have to pick one, though. :P

Hmm...

Ribbon candy or rock candy?

Rock candy rocks

bacon or grebbenes?