Hi there! I'm currently a psychology major in college and the current topic at hand is relationships. Statistically speaking things look grim but those numbers have far too many factors and fluff to be in my opinion accurate. However, with that being said I do agree that it is difficult to save a relationship when they start going bad because they tend to experience a downward spiral. So how do you personally within your relationship and it doesn't have to be intimate ones, could be between friends and family, deal with problems or bumps along the road? I am curious because there are multiple styles of thinking and dealing but I feel they are rather generic or super general to the point too vague. This is also somewhat a means for me to get advice for myself because I know personally I have fed the downward spiral by being overly negative and attributing certain events as being the fault of the other. Very blamey basically. So how do you deal with it?

relationships are only maintained as long as they are mutually beneficial. that alone is the driving factor.

your question is kinda vague

When things are starting to get rocky between you and your partner or friend how do you go about still staying within that relationship? There are definite scenarios where relationships any sort end because of some incident that is seen as bad enough. The question is how do you continue when it seems like it is already going downhill.

For example on my mother's side of the family one member has been completely excommunicated by everyone because of a reported and found true case of rape. When it was confirmed only 2 people kept in contact but now after a year he is completely excommunicated and not part of the family at all. Even mentioning him is a bad thing. See that is how a relationship is destroyed by some sort of act.

Hm. Well, in that case, I wouldn't make a single effort. Relationships are nice and needed, but not every single relationship is. Toxic relationships need to be eliminated in order to stay healthy.

As for curing a toxic relationship that's not THAT level of toxic, that's hard. I have two, and I've attempted multiple times to get them into therapy with me to fix us, but they're not super eager. They take me for granted, is why, and that's difficult to fix if you can't even get them to see the person who can get things through to them.

There are toxic relationships no doubt. I haven't involved in one but I have seen it. It is very difficult to get someone who is stubborn and or close minded to accept there is an issue and therefore seek out help.

Well.... For me, my friends and I may fight, but we still care about each other. If there is a real reason not to want to be around each other anymore, such as a toxic relationship as mentioned above, I get myself out of that situation.

I personally try to listen to everyone who's fighting, and understand their point of view. There have been people i got along well with because I knew how to deal with them, while others didn't.

I think a problem with people is that when something bad happens, they don't try as hard to work it out. I can't speak for everyone, but this is just my own general assumption. My boyfriend and I haven't really ever fought, but we're also really passive people. If we disagree on something though, we still talk it out and make sure everything is still ok before we move on. I suppose we both really want things to work out, so we try harder to make sure it does?

I've been in situations like this several times, twice with friends and once with a past boyfriend. My current boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship, but that doesn't mean we don't fight sometimes. We just make sure we figure out the problem and resolve it.

My ex and I were together for almost 2 years, but close to the end, he stopped talking to me. We barely saw each other, but I still tried to keep the relationship going because I wasn't ready for it to end. But at some point, I realized it was over and decided to break up with him. I did it through text, but it was a very long text, telling him that it was time to move on and that I knew he wasn't getting what he wanted from me. The details are kinda faded now, since that was 3 years ago. I tried to make it work, but nothing I did worked so it was over.

I have lost 2 of my best friends in the last year and a half, for two different reasons. The first friend, I was friends with her for 3 years. She was going through something where she wasn't talking to ANYONE for an entire week. Not her boyfriend, not me, no one. Her boyfriend and I were friends, so we were talking during that time, because he was worried she would leave him, and I was trying to tell him why she might and why she might not. She didn't like what I had to say, but I didn't know that for probably a month. I had my boyfriend send her a message on facebook asking why she wouldn't talk to me, and she told him that I was a backstabber and didn't deserve to be in her life and a bunch of other stuff. I tried to talk to her and resolve things, but it was like no matter what I did, she wanted nothing to do with me.

The second friend I lost on Valentine's day of this year. We had been best friends for 8 years. I told her I had lost my virginity, because I thought she would want to know since she was my best friend and you should be able to tell your best everything. She completely flipped out on me, telling me that I was a bad influence and that my friends were bad influences, and all this other stuff that had nothing to do with the topic at hand. It was the worst day of my life. But I knew it was going to happen. I asked her if we could still be friends, and she told me no. I haven't contacted her since, because I know she doesn't want me to. Even though that happened, if she were to text me or call me right now, I would be there for her in a second. She was like my sister.

In my opinion, for any relationship to work, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, both parties need to be committed and involved, and both need to be there for the other. When one side stops trying, the whole thing falls apart. You also need to be clear about what you say, so that misunderstandings don't happen. Relationships are WORK. They take emotion and effort. I'll always remember that for the rest of my life, because I don't want my relationships with anyone to fail.

I had a major falling out with someone that I was best friends with for 15 years and I've put a lot of thought into why it ended up not working out even though our bond was so strong. I think that in order for relationships to work and survive there needs to be mutual respect and excellent communication. Relationships can't survive if one person lets the other person get under their skin, but doesn't talk to them about it. I guess the longer a relationship goes on the harder it is to keep because the "bad memories" of someone collectively build up over time.

The only remedy that I can think of for failing relationships is to iron out problems through communication. It can be hard because some people don't like to talk about their feelings or they may get very upset while talking about something that happened, but I think that it's necessary to have these kinds of discussions because the alternative is to let resentment build up.

Sorry in delay to getting back to you guys, I had finals and then today my graduation.

For Silversword- Listening and trying to put yourself in an understanding position I think is key and important. Not everyone has the ability to do that. Talking it out is also another great tactic it seems from me talking to various people. At least you have someone who is willing to verbally express some of the issues they have.

For animatedwolf- Yes mutual commitment is vital, as well as mutual support. Relationships are work and require two participating party. As you said when one side decides to give up then you have a very central core problem. How do you re-interest that other party though? Make them see it is worth the struggle to continue?

For Caraway- Thank you for touching up upon the issue of building up resentment over time. You need to iron out issues as soon as they appear and work on resolving minor issues that get under your skin. People have a tendency to see more and more flaws as time goes on, or things that annoy them seem to get worse. As a mutual pair you have to nip those things in the butt.

You can try, but once someone gives up, it may take months or even years for them to even talk to you again. At least, in my experience, that's what I've noticed.

The most important factor in my relationships is communication. I've found that when I am having a disagreement with someone it's because we are (or were) not on the same page about something that is important to either or both of us. Communication of what is important to you as a person is necessary in the beginning, and communicating when you do not understand or when you feel you have been wronged is equally important. HOWEVER. Keeping an open mind is also important, because when two people interact not everything can go a single person's way. Listen when your partner/friend/whoever communicates to you, and decided what is reasonable for you to stay within a place that makes them and you both happy. :)

I think something just as important as communication is the ability to trust the other party. I spend thousands of dollars to go out to Ireland and visit my then-best friend, someone I went to high school with and had known for roughly 7 years at that point. The plan between us was that since she was studying abroad there, I would fly out and hang out with her for a couple weeks. I ended up spending only part of one weekend with her and that was it. I was on my own for the rest of it. She left me hanging and if you read my travel journal you will find that I was miserable and hated being alone like that. It was my first time ever travelling on my own and I'm from the States, so it was a huge deal to be there by myself. The only reason my parents were okay with it was because I was supposed to be with her most of the time. But nope, didn't happen. I got married later that year and I never told her about it, let alone send her an invite or ask her to be in my bridal party. It was one of the worst ways she could have betrayed me because we had joked and planned on going to Europe together almost since we had met.

Right now I'm struggling with trying to figure out where my marriage is headed (my husband and I have experienced life changes that led us in separate directions and it's making getting along very difficult). But I still trust him. We can communicate pretty well, but he is consistent. He never gives me reason to doubt what he says he's thinking. The immense amount of trust I have in him is one of the few things that is keeping us together right now.

Since this post is pretty long, I've put the topics into spoilers

In my experience being friends after a relationship has ended just never works. You try to keep talking but eventually it just fades away to nothing. It sounds like you are talking about compromise in order to maintain balance. I think this is a mandatory thing to have in a relationship because there really is no such thing as the perfect couple. Each person is an individual so the likes/dislikes and such are unique and may not 100% of the time align. Now trust is an area in my own relationship that I am lacking and have spoken to my boyfriend about. I keep holding a grudge because out of the 10 times in the 13 months we have been dating he said he promised to do something 7 of those he never did. So when he says I promise I always bluntly tell him I don't believe you until you prove me wrong. Holding resentment or a grudge is a common thing especially amongst girls. (Also I think I met you at the meet up?) Anyways I totally get that you are offended that F has at first shut you out causing you to get closer to B, but then has maintained a short of stand off attitude that makes you not want to be around him, the final straw being both ditching of plans and not communicating to you directly. Now with you moving and all it makes the situation kind of like do I fix this or leave it as is, because the move I'm assuming would really keep you guys away from each other. Like you said in the working part, you're an adult. You also need to figure out what you want around you because you sound like you are really done with this F guy. It is a shame but it happens and like the cheesy proverb, when one door closes another one opens.

Oh yes I believe we did. Did you ever figure out where you've seen me before?? lol

I stopped caring a while ago, but it pains my boyfriend more now seeing us not get along so whenever we hang out I do it for my boyfriend. I am basically moving to the opposite end of the country so yeah I'm not going to be seeing him again. It would be more of a texting/fb relationship that we don't even have anymore so I'd say it's pretty much over. What irks me is that my boyfriend tells me that I'm still his best friend, yet why is it coming from my boyfriend and not him? My boyfriend gave me coupons to dunkin donuts saying that F wanted to give them to me...ok so then why can't F give them to me instead of giving them to you? I'm also home now at my parents' house for a couple of weeks before I go back and pack the rest of my shit. A week has gone by and I still haven't received a text or even a fb message from F while I've been gone. In my mind we're done at this point.

Turns out you just look a lot like the sister of a friend of mine. I swear I spent a good hour or so surfing my FB friend list and their pictures trying to figure it out after the meet up. Congrats on the move though! Is the bf going with you?

Back to the F dude, I agree with you in thinking that it's done at this point. As a guy it is so of emasculating to have to use another person as a bridge or middle person. It seems like a weak character trait.

lol ah ok. Thank you! It's not official yet, but unless something really really unlikely happens, I will be moving. He is going to try to within the next 6 months of me moving, just to make sure I like it out there. I don't see him having a hard time finding a job, but there are no guarantees in life.

Seriously. He could have just texted me to hang out and given it to me then or during all the other times we hang out as a group. I think it was because he was really giving it to my boyfriend, but my boyfriend knows I like to go there so he gave it to me saying it was from him =/

Yes, I am in fact talking about compromise. It's the advice I always give, because while it's apparent to some it isn't for others... <.< but you also have to communicate your needs and listen to the others before compromise can take place. Shrug

The way that me and my boyfriend keep our relationship from spiraling down and out of control is by talking it out. We've been together almost 6 years now. There have been those moments when we have been so fed up with each other that we say things we don't mean or 'break up' for like an hour. Then, we sit down and talk about what went wrong and why we feel that way. It sounds so cheesy when its put into black and white like this, but honestly, it is communication that keeps a relationship afloat.

- It seems like relationships can be maintained through trust, communication, and caring about each other.

2 years ago, I had a co-worker I grew close to. At the time, she was my only friend. I never really had friends growing up, so having someone who actually wanted to spend time with me felt like a wish come true. Eventually, she quit the job. She promised we would hang out and talk. This never happened. Despite my efforts to set up a time to hang out or call her, she didn't respond. She only responded once with more broken promises. After 8 months of this, I decided to let her know I was really hurt by her unresponsiveness but was willing to stay friends with her. Of course, no response from her. Since then, I stopped caring about her. I don't consider her a friend anymore.

Unlike the former friend, my boyfriend and I are still in good terms. 2 months ago, he broke up with me, and I wanted to stay friends with him. He wanted to also, as he would respond to my texts. We hung out 2 weeks after the break up, and we had a great time. Every week after that, we hung out and the way we interacted was becoming more like how it was before the break up. We eventually got back together as a couple, even talking about future plans together. He revealed he really cares about me.