What's black and white, and read/red all over?

An embarrassed newspaper!!!

(from Beetlejuice)

[Edit] How is a auto tech better than a doctor? An auto tech has access to new parts.

I like this one.

It's wintertime and a man decides to go ice fishing. He sets up, drills the hole but just as he was about to drop his line, he hears a booming voice, "There are no fish beneath the ice." He gets a bit spooked so he moves on to try a different spot. He drills another hole, but as he grabs his fishing pole he hears the voice again louder this time, "There are no fish beneath the ice." The man looks up to the sky and asks, "Is that you God?" The voice answers with "No, I'm the rink attendant."

That's a classic with soo many variations! I've always liked it.