Get someone to be in the room with you and the doctor. That way the person is a witness. Have you looked into a midwife? They usually accompany the person for doctor visits.

Although complaining could be useful... ask yourself what stress can you handle? If it's easier not to complain then don't. The most important thing is to avoid stress at this time, for baby's sake.

If you can ask for someone else, do so. If not... don't take it personal whatever the person tells you. The person might be having a bad day/week/year, etc. Plus, you only have to see the person a small amount of time in a day for not that many days... try to not make it a big deal if the person isn't respectful... you can only control yourself and don't lower yourself to the other person's improper behavior.

I work in a hospital and from my POV there are two intersecting issues here.

1. I don't know if you're in the USA, but if you are, here in the USA most people's care is dependent on insurance providers and what they will cover varies wildly. It is possible that a blood test for a gender result may not be covered unless it is medically necessary (for instance, you have a genetic risk for a sex-linked medical condition) and that is why they don't do it, particularly since the information would be revealed during the ultrasound and sometimes people who request this information early plan to terminate the pregnancy if they don't like the result--and in parts of the US, furnishing the information early is actually against the law for that reason.

2. nonetheless, if the doctor was rude to you and scared you and made you cry, you should definitely request another provider and tell them WHY, because that is NOT OKAY.

i think it's hard for me to give advice here based on what i would do in this situation because i wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. as a trans man, i have no intention of going through pregnancy, and i'm uncomfortable with the practice of trying to determine a baby's gender through any means other than asking them when they're old enough to tell you themself.

that's probably not helpful or what you want to hear, so i'm also going to suggest making sure your partner is always with you when/if you have to meet with that doctor again, so they can advocate for you and amplify your voice a bit. the doctor may also take them more seriously, as awful as that is.

i also think gave some important information that may be much more helpful than any advice i can offer. it's still not acceptable for the doctor to be rude or dismissive to you and if it WAS an issue of legality or coverage, they should have just EXPLAINED that to you instead of being a prick.

that's absolutely horrible! The only advice I'm really able to offer you is to go see a different doctor, or request a new one at your current hospital? But do send in a complaint! Definitely don't stick with this one if she's made you so uncomfortable, unless you'd be okay talking to her and telling her what you didn't appreciate! I hope you feel better soon! <3

Oh, dear I'm sorry you had to go through that! I hope she wasn't your usual doctor and I hope you can find someone to talk to or get a second opinion from! I don't have much other information to give because I don't know enough about healthhcare systems but I like Valiska's answer ❤

Hugs, that was rude, but be positive and never get all the negativity out of anyone. try to change doctors, or hospitals. And if she does that to you again, you can tell her to stop and that she cant talk with you like that, but don't get mad and don't make your blood presure higher.

You make a very good point. It is actually impossible to know a baby's gender, only its "biological sex" i.e. chromosomes/phenotype. :) I almost said that, but every cis person on earth other than me seems to think those "gender reveal" parties are the bomb so I didn't--thank you for bringing it up.

I really have no advice to offer you in this situation but please keep us all updated.

Evalynn, I'm so sorry to hear that you had a rude experience. Is this a doctor that you will have to see again in the future? If so, I would find some way to address it, preferably with the doctor themselves first. Saying something as simple as, "Before we get started, I felt (whatever you were feeling) at my last appointment when (tell exactly what happened or was said) beacuse (the reason you felt that way)." I'm personally working really hard on trying to state my emotions and find out where the other person was coming from. They may have had an off day or may not realize how they come across to other people.

I would tell my doctor to do what I tell her to do! It's your baby and if you want the gender revealed they should let you know! If she is arguing and literally made you cry, I would find a new OB/GYN. That's not ok

wow that sucks. I'd speak to whoever you set up your appointment via, like hospital administration, to make sure you don't get that doctor again. People who are going to be mean to you are just not worth dealing with, and like valiska and queer pointed out, if it was an issue w legality there are definitely ways to explain that without being rude.

Doctors, nurses and allied health professionals can't always do whatever a patient tells them to do--even if they might prefer to. As I said above--there are states in the USA with gag laws forbidding doctors from revealing information that might lead prospective parents to terminate a pregnancy (even if the baby is destined to live a short, painful life with no prospect of cure and no adaptive technology that will help to make that life more bearable or happier).

Unfortunately, biological sex can also be one of those factors, particularly early in pregnancy when terminations are safest and least traumatic.

I don't think any healthcare worker likes these laws. There are some circumstances in which only the most extreme religious fundamentalists or disability activists would not be able to understand why a termination might be advisable. But while a doctor might be willing to take the risk of getting in trouble to tell you if your baby's going to have Tay-Sachs, they probably aren't going to break these laws to tell you your baby's biological sex a few months early.

However, it is absolutely unprofessional and unacceptable for a doctor to be rude and cruel when telling a patient that they have to say no to the patient's request, and this doc should be reported for that.

Hard to say, my dr during the whole pregnancy was like well your baby may end up stillborn. It was pretty scary. :( He ended up being fine but her saying it all the time did bring me to tears one time. I didn't feel him but turned out my placenta was in the front which makes it hard to feel them kicking. They ended up doing a test and he was moving just fine, but they should have done the test first. I wish I had a new dr BEFORE I got pregnant cause I didn't really wanna change drs half way through. It makes it really hard when they already know what you have been going through up to this point

Oh man, I'm sorry about this week's challenge. If my doctor was so rude, they put me in tears - I would fire them. You're their boss! Don't let yourself be stuck with them through this, it's a really big deal and it's a long process and you still have a long time to go. It's okay to be "picky" and it's okay to want the best for yourself and your family. I would probably try and be somewhat civil and very plain and to the point "You were rude, you did X, Y and Z which was very unprofessional and ignorant. You will no longer be my doctor." There are plenty of doctors out there who won't make you cry :)

I'm so sad to hear that you were treated badly by someone who's supposed to have your best interests at heart as part of their job. :c Hopefully it was just a bad day and poor communication on their part rather than them being horrid deliberately! Either way, big hugs for you.

I would vent to someone who has my back, chalk it up to something unfortunate enough to ruin your day and do my best to get over it and forget about it. Which is probably best done by switching doctors, if you can. c:

HUGS!!

Thank you for all the kinds words. I had an appointment yesterday with my official doctor - I told her what had happened. She explained to me I won't have to see the doctor that was so rude ever again - and she even assured me I'd be able to find out the gender in just 3 weeks instead of 7. (This is due to the surgeries I had to have, which I'm not super happy about having to have them, but it did work out for me in this case of getting to find out sooner). Feeling much better about things now!

Time for the winners!!!

Grand Prize:

First Place:

Second Place:

Thank you so much! And I'm glad that you're able to switch doctors!

Thank you very much for the adorable skirt!!! Perfect for a sunny summer day!! hugs,pink_dolphin

- I'm so very glad you won't have to deal with that doctor again. :) It sounds like your regular doctor is someone you relate well to, and that's awesome.

Congrats to the winners!