I didn't want me pinging you to come across as me trying to start shit, that's why I didn't do it. ._. It's kind of a touchy subject, so thank you for being cool about it!

It's still a very good, valid point that some anon gifters don't want to be thanked because it ramps their own anxiety up. Leaving a message for the recipient in the giftbox to pass the joy of gifting on instead of thanking would be an option, but it relies both on people respecting your request, and on the way they've been raised. It's simply polite and good manners to say "thank you!" when someone gifts you something. On the other hand, not everyone is going to respect the wishes of others.

It's an odd situation because you also have some anon gifters who get very upset if they're not thanked even if they gifted someone on anon. :/ I also remember there being chapters of stories with somewhat questionable content, and even story-based forum games sent out via anon giftboxes, often without consent from the receiver.

If the sender has a toggle for enabling/disabling thank you's for every individual anon gift, that would be ideal for that suggestion, but I don't know how possible it is coding-wise. It also runs the road of user error - accidentally ticking it on or off when you didn't mean to do it.

Though this got me thinking... Would it make things better if the text for an automatic thank you wasn't a direct "This user thanks you for the gift", but was instead formulated more along the lines of a delivery confirmation from the Arctic Frost Gift Center workers? Something along the lines of: "It was a bumpy trip, but it looks like got your anonymous gift! They looked happy about it, good work spreading the cheer!"

To start- I am truly sorry that many folks experience anxiety over anon gifts. I don't mean to lessen or discount anything in my views.

With that said- I don't support removing an incredibly used feature. Full stop. Giving users the ability to block all gifts and not just friend-only gifts would be a good move. But I overall view this topic as making a mountain out of a molehill.

I've given anon gifts before, and I've received them. There are plenty of reasons why it's used. I see a large reason being that the gifter doesn't want to be thanked or have any acknowledgement. People can post on the thanking board if they want, but if someone sent something anon, they have a reason for doing so. If you don't want an anon gifts, then don't accept gifts. But you can't force someone to reveal their identity or accept a "thank you note", just as they can't force you to accept a gift (if you have it friends-only set, and hopefully eventually, have no-gifts set.)

There have been so many times where I've definitely experienced the desire to reciprocate on an anon gift. In those instances, I often post in the thanking board, and then pay it forward by sending out gifts to others.

For me, whenever I receive an anon gift, it's such a good feeling. I know 95% of the time, it might just be a small thing that's pretty clearly a Drills gift. But for those 5% of time where it's a cool item, an amazing note, or something else - it's incredible. Thankfulness is my primary emotion. If they sent it anon, then it essentially takes any burden from me, because there's nothing I can do. So I thank my lucky stars that someone wanted to send it to me, and I certainly don't try to guilt my gifter for doing something nice.

I will try to keep the opposing view in mind for the future, as I wasn't really aware of it, but I don't support any changes going in that affect anon gifting. I would encourage people to make a suggestions board for not allowing any gifts though.

I support an option to send a message to the anon while they remain anonymous! The forum thread is good and all but sometimes I just don't want to post on forums at all and I'm stuck in a constant loops of "but I need to thank them so they know I appreciate it but I don't want to post on the thread because [xyz anxiety related catch of the day]." Because when it's 1-on-1 it's already hard enough to send a message sometimes, but sending one in a public area is 1000x more stressful.

So while some people wouldn't like this feature, all that's really needed to account for both perspectives is some kind of opt-in checkbox on the gifter's end when sending gifts like "let them send me back a short message without revealing who I am" but worded better. (Opt-in so that you can tailor it to the situation, e.g. like major drills you wouldn't want one back so you don't check the box.)

I definitely agree the accepting gifts preference should be split so that you can still allow non-anonymous gifts from non-friends.

It's really, really not about trying to guilt anyone. As the OP said, many people are brought up where it is only polite to thank people after receiving a gift. Additionally, some mental illnesses like social anxiety (not for everyone but for many people) make it very uncomfortable to be given something without having some way to reciprocate it. And in some cultures, gifting things is seen very differently to how it is in western english speaking countries (e.g. in some places you're expected to give a gift in return, or in others highly expensive gifts are considered rude).

This forum thread is not about trying to make the gifter feel guilt, it is about acknowledging that receiving gifts can make the giftee feel guilty and asking how we can lessen this. So personally I think that the suggestions made, if done correctly, have the potential to do that without making the gifter feel bad.

So... here's something that I've just tested with a friend, and I think it deserves to be brought up on this discussion: disabling non-friend gifts does not disable anon gifts. Your friends can still send you anon gifts.

Users cannot block anon gifts, not without removing all of their friends in the process.

This really needs to be sorted out. We can now choose to prevent users from leaving gifts under our Luminaire trees and I don't see why being able to disable anon gifts should be regarded as wildly different.

Yeah, no worries. It seems like there is a lot of stuff at play here, from differing cultural practices (even without adding in international - the US has a ton of different attitudes toward gifting alone!) to mental health issues. It's a problem I've run into IRL as well. I'm not sure how this could be solved in a way that would make everyone comfortable and happy, which is kind of depressing.

I agree completely, it's not easy to untangle the situation so it works for all parties. :/ On one hand, you have people who just want to spread some harmless fun and I do think that's really sweet of them! Gift wars are great and all, but sometimes you just want to make someone smile. Even if they don't thank you, just seeing that item in their gallery, or pet TC, or seeing them put it on their avatar makes you feel like you've done something that's appreciated. On the other hand, there's a number of reasons why other people might not want to participate in it. Nobody is required to explain to others why they don't want to be gifted (or thanked!). Regardless of one's reasons, being forced to receive a gift (or a thank you note!) they don't want is not exactly pleasant. Even if there are no ill intentions behind it, knowing that your gift might make someone really uncomfortable is enough to put a damper on things.

That's why I think that having more site options related to giftboxes and gifting would possibly be a good way to deal with it. Let people opt out of anon gifts. Let them opt out of non-friend gifts (already an option). Let them combine the two. Let them opt out of all gifts if they want to. That way, anyone who's sending gifts will know that they're not making gift recipients uncomfortable by sending cute thoughtful gifts, and people who genuinely feel uncomfortable with the idea of anon, non-anon, or even gifts in general for any reason can safely opt out.

i have no strong feelings about a thank-you feature (personally, i think i'd prefer we didn't have one), but i would totally be down for more gift options.

not being able to turn-off gifts entirely always seemed weird for me (what if you're going to be away for a bit but don't want to self-freeze, what if you just... don't want gifts for a bit, etc), so more control over receiving gifts would be nice.

I haven't checked the preferences super closely, so I'm not positive on this but there's only 1 gift related preference, correct? The one to only allow gifts from friends?

I'm definitely in favor of more options regarding gifts.

• No gifts
• No anon gifts
• Friends only gifts Seems like enough to cover all bases, and would be great implements imo, especially if they can help take a little anxiety out of peoples lives. I personally love receiving anon gifts, and find the 'thank your anon gifter' thread to be sufficient for me, but if that's not enough for other people and is stressing them out, then a simple fix to ease that would be awesome. If a 'thank-you' option is added, maybe an option to disable receiving those as well, considering the feedback already given. If the receiving (or on the other hand NOT receiving) thank-you messages would stress or annoy people, then that's a nice balance so both parties can feel within their comfort zones.

Also, side note, can we stop with the whole 'you're selfish for wanting a feature to aid in your mental health and you should feel bad' comments on, like, every suggestion thread? Really, not cool, guys.