What would you do? How would you handle this?

I've been friends with this guy for a bit over 3 years, living together the last nearly 2. He's dated people, I've dated people. We only step in when something is wrong. He had a girl go psycho and try to move in,I had a guy get uber controlling. We otherwise sit back because our mistakes are our own after all and you can't do all the learning for everyone else.

So currently he's gotten a date off tinder (barf) after he got rejected by a girl at work. The girl says she has anxiety bad enough it "made" her drop out and never get her diploma or ged. She also has had 4 adult years to earn it or some equivalent and hasn't done shit towards it. She has no job because "anxiety makes it hard to be around people". Again no plans on figuring out ANY income. Yet with anxiety this "overwhelming" she can meet a stranger off the internet, go to the mall to people watch as a date and have sex... Something just doesn't click here

Not even a year ago he cut people off he teied to date for not having work or school plans. He said he never wanted a moocher.... Yet this girl is exactly the sum of things he said he never wanted.

I voiced my concerns that this isn't good for him. They haven't even known each other a week and are already fighting. Whatever the fight was it was bad enough he was depressed and not enjoying anything.

All he had to say to my concerns was to pat my head and that he appreciates the concern.

Yet I know if it was me going for a guy with these things going on he'd say to run, that there's more options out there.

So idgi why suddenly lower standards and allow someone he doesn't know to have this much power over him?

He's already depressed over some anxiety-ridden, unemployed girl he's known for a week? And they've already fought, are you serious? Like... does he think things are going to get better? Because newsflash - it isn't going to happen.

Hopefully he turns around and realizes that this girl is probably not going to be good for him and that he should keep looking. I mean, obviously you can give your input, but in the end it's going to have to be up to him, as an adult, to make the right decision and show her the door.

Thanks for replying! I'm hoping the same. He told me he would talk to me about whatever's going on... Eventually.

I told him from an outside perspective its already looking toxic. That a week of knowing each other has resulted in this many changes isn't healthy. He says theres more going on than I know... Well like talk to me! But I still maintain its not good at all.

I'd have run from a potential dating partner if THIS soon these things happened. I get that anxiety is real amd it gets in the way of things, but this is too much and stuff doesn't line up for the claims of how bad this girl says hers is.

People are half afraid soon she may somehow "have to move" and try to move in here. I already said only he and I would be the ones living in this apartment and on the lease, nobody else will be added or moved in. The idea was for us to get ourselves out of debts and recenter on things we wanted for ourselves. Not to mention a good 90% of the furniture and dishes and entertainment are my own personal property and if I have to WILL become a bitch about it.

More going on than you know? I feel like one can't re-iterate enough that it's been a week, omg hahaha! If there's already this much drama? Jfc, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Yeah, I would be heading for the hills for sure - and he should too. And for sure, anxiety is garbage, I have it too (though who doesn't these days), but people have to be able to help themselves.

God, I hope she doesn't try that on you guys... that sounds like a fucking nightmare waiting to happen. Also I am in full support of going full bitch mode if she tries anything with your stuff haha!

I know! At a weeks time for me with a new possible person to date I'd have chatted a bit, gone on a date and maybe played a few games online if they had the games I played. I wouldn't unload everything bad about myself on them. The first bit of time should be finding out if there's anything fundamentally matching between people. I've known people who went on 5 or less dates and found out things won't work with someone.

Like I'm supposed to be his best friend soul mate (his words) and he can't tell me about this? Just pats me on the head and says two sentences? What has this girl told him to do such a 180 on me? We still watch shows and most things like we have been but it feels like a wall has been placed.

As far as anxiety goes I have it too. However in all my experiences, and those of others who have it, nobody just throws themselves into situations where it can be triggered or made worse willingly. Even with therapy it takes loads of time to ease someone into the high trigger stuff and get it to bearable levels for even a short time. I have anxiety about people, but if I plan for weeks ahead or go with a trusted friend I can manage for a bit. Just yesterday I went shopping for a few hours and today I'm staying home because it wore me out. So this girl saying her anxiety is so bad she can't be around people to work or do school but goes into public and sex on the first date... Just doesn't click as anxiety to me.

Could be she is also playing up a sob story because for some reason most guys want to "be the hero" to some sad girls story. Also her huge big plan? Continue therapy... Like really? No plans to find out about a school course or try to aim for a seasonal job? Like I have plans to do a great many crafting projects, but plans don't mean much until you put it in action.

But yes if she pops up with a story about moving. Yeah. Nope. Not here. Not with me. They REQUIRED 6 months of income proof before approving us, she has no chance in he'll by their standards.

is this too late to reply? how did things evolve from there?

I was in your shoes for about a year - someone close to me met a grown ass lazy woman online, and she became obsessed and controlling with my friend. This happened 3 years ago. (2016 will forever be the cursed year for me). My friend finally managed to realize the damage, but it was a bit too late, and she's currently not 100% out of my friend's life. things did improve ... mostly last year... i'm still "meeeeh -_- " when i hear about this woman. Thing is, the worst happened to my friend, but i think i need therapy because of her, though me and her never really interacted. (she didn't find me "interesting" enough, i suppose, LOL) Sometimes i feel as if she cast (is this the past tense of "to cast"?) weird spells on me and weirder on my friend. >.>

i hope things got/will get better for your friend and that you won't feel the need for therapy because of the situation. or that it won't be as bad as "my" experience.

No not too late!

In fact its still being garbage.

About a week ago he pushed to ask her to date. I told him I still hold the stance shes no good. He asked, she rejected.

He came home crying, like bawling. So I consoled him (becuse it hurts to see those we love hurt) and for a few days he seemed on the mend.

Then he invited her over last night!!!! Wtf? To just hang out and make amends? What is there to amend with someone who sends you on such an emotional roller coaster so shortly after knowing them?

He says he'll basically ask her until she either cuts herself from him or he gets tired of asking. Like red flag much?

Theres people out there who would communicate what they see and want from him without all this roller coaster shit.

I say she can't get out of his life fast enough, but he has to learn somehow. I just wish it wouldn't hurt him so much.

I already warned him to not cry to me when she rejects him again. He can say it made him sad or upset but no tears. You only get that once per situation with me.

So its still a pending situation.

OhMiGosh, i can't believe it! You gotta be very strong... (if you're not mentally strong, you gotta become it)

That girl might just like the attention she gets (from him). My nemesis (LOL... no really, the woman my friend met is like a nemesis for me) also liked loved (still does, as far as i know) attention. from anyone, especially from men. So, if i or my friend were to wait for her to cut ties/stop talking, this would never happen.

I had to tell my friend OVER and OVER to stop this nonsense. and to really push for it.

You won't believe me, but i have a 2nd friend who met (last year) a girl, and she put him through a similar rollercoaster. He was luckier because he managed to escape faster, so to say. Well, this 2nd friend is looking for a wife, so in a way it's easier for him to move on from bad experiences.

hang in there! in case she comes over, make sure to plaster your name on all the items that belong to you (with sticky notes). like a message that if she wants to touch something, she needs to ask for permission. Make her feel unwelcomed. (at the risk of seeming jealous). This is what i would do..

I don't know what spells and stuff she told your friend, but i hope it's not to the level my friend/I experienced. Do know you're not alone, that others also went and go through similar situations.

Sounds to me like he has lowered his standards due to the recent rejection by the coworker and having to probably continue to see said coworker? He might feel the need to prove his worth by simply being in a relationship rather than who he's willing to have a relationship with. I would continue to remind him that he is letting someone he hardly knows dictate his happiness and self-worth.