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Aug 2, 2017 8 years ago
There's snow stopping
Sakiiri
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He's a member in this this kpop group I listen to, known for his dad jokes much to his member's aggravation XD Thank you for the gift!

Aug 2, 2017 8 years ago
Inknote
made a huge mistake
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ahh,that's why I don't recognize it. I'm not very familiar with kpop. But I can tell he's clearly the best member of the group

Aug 2, 2017 8 years ago
Skolletta
Sir Quest-a-Lot
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Aaah, feel better soon! squishes tightly Feel free to poke me whenever! I feel like we haven't talked in forever. ^^

I can't remember any jokes atm but you should definitely watch these! They're some of my favourites. ^_^ 1 2 3

/runs off to uni

(Don't worry about gifting me btw! Just tell me if you like the vids, haha.)

:・゚✧:・゚:・゚✧
🔭🐢 [flower=Skolletta]

Aug 2, 2017 8 years ago
Jazmine
plays with fire
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Cowleen

- I'm going through a rough time right now myself. I'm in the middle of changing medications, just started using a CPAP at night and still getting used to it, and a plethora of other health related things are going on. The med change is causing me anxiety because of the kind of med it is and I've had two anxiety attacks today. UGH. I have a joke or two for you, these always seem to make me laugh and feel a bit better:

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.

“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”

The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.

“He says you’re gonna die.” XD

Another:

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?" XD

Hope I made you laugh!! I know these two and a few other jokes by heart because of how funny I find them. <3

Aug 2, 2017 8 years ago
Inknote
made a huge mistake
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Oh med changes are fun. Been there. I wish you the best hun, anxiety attacks are just. SO GREAT. D:

Oh lord those jokes are somethin haha. I'll send your item in a sec. I hope you feel better soon

Aug 2, 2017 8 years ago
barratrous
the escape artist
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reclame

This has been going around on FB, but it made me giggle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVGl--dGcJk

Hope you feel better!!!

[tot=barratrous] | [egg=barratrous] | [tp=barratrous]

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
windsinger89
is INCONCEIVABLE
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Sorry to hear you're feeling down. I always turn to terrible puns when I'm feeling sad too. Here are a few of my favorite jokes:

Why don't seagulls fly over bays? Because then they'd be bagels.

Why can't you tell puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally.

What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

Let me know if you need any more lame jokes. They're my favorite. Hope you feel better soon.

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
Pun
is very punny
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Eager Beaver

: You're a kind person. I wish you good luck and hope things get better for you.

What's the difference between a butcher and a nightwatchman? One weighs a steak, the other stays awake.

What's the difference between an incompetent archer and a constipated owl? One shoots and shoots but never hits, the other hoots and hoots but never ...

Here's my kitty rolling around in a box:

SPOILER (click to toggle)

My favourite picture from my favourite kitten-fostering blog:

SPOILER (click to toggle) 2015-08-12-31 by Robyn Anderson, on Flickr

And some drifting cats:

SPOILER (click to toggle)

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
For forks sake,
ruby_blade
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Akon

- Saw this randomly on my feed, but I know how terrible it can be to feel so low. So, here's to you feeling better, and my favorite dad-style joke.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Prom? He had no BODY to go with!

And my favorite joke, because I love jokes, too.

Three pieces of rope go to a bar. They sit, and try to order drinks. The bartender looks them over and says, 'Are you guys rope? We don't serve ropes here!' So the ropes go outside, and they try to figure out how to get their beers. The first rope is very reasonable, and he says, 'Look, I'll just go in and explain everything. I'm sure he'll listen to me.' So the rope goes in, sits down and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, 'You're a rope, we don't serve rope here!' The first rope tries to explain that they are just thirsty, and they've got money, when the bartender has him tossed out. The second rope gets furious, so he says, 'I'll demand three beers!' So, he goes into the bar, sits down with a thump, and yells, 'Gimme three beers!!' The bartender barely even looks up before setting the bouncer on the angry rope, Finally, the third rope, the smartest one, announces he has a plan. He ties himself into a knot, and frays his ends. He goes in, takes a stool, and calmly orders a beer. The bartender looks him up and down and says, 'Aren't you a rope?' the third rope replies, 'A frayed knot!'

🤷‍♀️💁‍♂️

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
Inknote
made a huge mistake
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Oh goodness that was charming. What great jokes. I've sent your item!

Oh my gosh I haven't heard the bagels one in forever, it always makes me laugh bc I see seagulls eating bagels and immediately think "Cannibal Birb" Item's been sent

Lol the nightwatchman one is great. And aww your cat is precious!! What's their name? Item's been sent.

Those are both such excellent jokes! tyvm for them. I've sent your item

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
IMPULSE
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why are seagulls called seagulls? because they live by the sea.

punch-me-line if they lived by the bay, they'd be called bay-gulls!

just thinking on this joke/pun legit lifts me up a bit. i hope it helps❤️

sooty by

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
Pun
is very punny
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Eager Beaver

, thank you! You are generous! My kitty is called Izzy and she is a brat.

Here's some more silly-happy for you:

There were two goldfish in a tank. One says, "I'll drive, you man the guns."

Two tanker ships collided! One was carrying red paint and the other blue paint. The crew were marooned.

Two more cute gifs:

SPOILER (click to toggle) Searching for a wifi signal

Can I come up?

And a couple of limericks, in case they amuse you:

There was a young lady from Rhyde Who ate some green apples and died. The apples fermented Inside the lamented And made cider inside 'er inside.

There was a young curate of Kew Who kept a tom cat in a pew. He taught it to speak Alphabetical Greek But it never got further than mew.

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
honeybearbee
gets around
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ThorinOakenshieldII

i hope you feel better! here's one i found through googling (because i can never remember a joke T__T)

Harry Potter: Who's There? Voldemort: You Know. Harry Potter: You Know Who? Voldemort: Exactly!

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
lokidottir14
is not throwing away their shot
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Lilah

I love jokes! I got a bunch from here

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Wanna know what my grandfather's last words were before he kicked the bucket? "Look how far I can kick this bucket!"

[img align=center]https://media.giphy.com/media/13EzrDaiw72t6U/giphy.gif[/img]

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Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
rainestorme
is a force to be reckoned with
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This one is a rhyme that I've always loved... It amuses me...

One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back, they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, And came and shot those two dead boys. If you don't believe this story's true, Ask the blind man. He saw it, too.

On a completely different note, don't know where you stand on religion, but I've always loved this one... From the bible (ish...)

What kind of car did the disciples drive? An Accord... Because they were all in one accord. :P

Then, I found this:

http://www.randomjokegenerator.com/

And there, I found these two: There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.... :P

A little boy walked down the aisle at the wedding. As he made his way, he would take two steps, stop, turning to the groom's side one time, and the bride's side the next, and put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went: step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was nearly in tears from laughing by the time the boy reached the pulpit. The boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing. When he was asked what he was doing, he sniffed back tears to say, "I was being the ring bear..."

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
Flyingkat
is a flower child
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Darkmontre

Thank you for the item ^^

Only missing 2 stickers - Wanting to trade or haggle

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
This rift empty
empoleon
YEET
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If you're in the mood for something hilarious, you should watch Bo Burnham's "What." it's a comedy special on netflix, and omg, it's my life

my boyfriend shared this one with me today:

What is Gordon Ramsey's favorite subreddit?

it's fucking r/aww! :'D

[img align=center]http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpegiz0BxB1qdy4fko8_400.gif[/img]

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
Jessica
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Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is? Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are. Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it. Me: What is a vowel? Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh … Me: Close enough.

—by Robert Alvarez, author of Blonde Moments: Life with a Blonde Teenage Daughter

After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

Aug 3, 2017 8 years ago
Inknote
made a huge mistake
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lol yeah someone else gave me that one too, guess it's popular! Your item has been sent

My best friend has 3 cats and she sent me a mug once that says "if cats could talk they'd lie to you" which i think is exactly correct haha. Oh my god tho the tank one had me yelling. That's a good one. And the limericks! Those are fantastic.

Gotta love a good ol fashion harry potter joke! your item has been sent

the last one is awesome haha. your item has been sent

The rhyme is great haha. I'm not religious but my minister friend will probably love that. Your item has been sent

Oh I've seen it, I'm a big fan of his. Lol it took me a sec to get that joke but it's pretty funny. Though you'd think it'd be his least favorite! Your item has been sent

I like that they specify it's a TALKING sheepdog. Your item has been sent

Thanks everyone for the jokes and gifs!

Aug 4, 2017 8 years ago
honeybearbee
gets around
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ThorinOakenshieldII

thank you! :D hope you feel better now after all these bad jokes!

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