I'm single too and it def gets lonely sometimes, but being single and lonely is better than being in a bad relationship. Just lean on your friends, even if they are only online friends.

I dunno I been getting antisocial, my friends can be rather rough at times, even if its online.

Do you think you're feeling antisocial because of the situation with the guy you're living with? Living with an abusive person makes you feel isolated from other people and you begin to rely on your abuser for everything, especially social interaction.

I been in alot of sad situation on friends online where they just ditch me for being too depressing. No one is really honest on how they feel so they just hold it and then lash it out on me. I just been avoiding making friends as the years went by because of it.

That sucks, I'm sorry. I'm introverted so I'm always scared of what people really think about me but won't say to me. It's hard trusting people sometimes, especially when people you've trusted break your trust. :C

It just makes me very paranoid, there is only one person that doesn't really make me feel bad.

I would definitely first focus on getting out of the living situation you're presently in. Looking up local womens' shelters is a great first step, as they will be able to help you take whatever actions should be next. Get yourself someplace where you can be relatively safe and not trapped with anyone abusive, family or SO. If the guy you're with tries to come after you or blackmail you, file a restraining order. He has zero power over you and don't let him fool you into thinking otherwise.

As far as going back to school, that's almost always an option. You'll probably have to do financial aid, but so does pretty much everyone. One good first step is trying to complete an associate's degree, as they're 2 year programs that are a little more generalized and could help you get a better feel for what you really want to do with your life. When I started mine, I thought I was going to try and be a teacher and then changed direction about a year and a half in, but still have the 2 year degree as a stepping stone no matter what.

I apologize if the following sounds harsh, but it's some brutal honesty: you should probably not be in a relationship right now. You need to focus on getting yourself safe and settled and figuring out where you want to go in life, as well as rebuild your self esteem. The people who keeps pulling you into relationships, going off of what you've said already, are all actively preying on you, either because they think you're passive, desperate or helpless. I don't think you're any of those things, but I do think you ARE vulnerable. Also, don't look for any relationships in BDSM communities. That's not a judgement call on my part; people can do what they want in their bedrooms, etc etc. But it's kind of a powder keg with how some predators and abusers DO use those communities to find people in bad situations and take advantage of them, pulling them into harmful relationships under the guise of it being a S/M lifestyle. Avoid avoid avoid until you're in a better place.

Finally, don't feel bad if you think you're behind on grown-up things like finances, banking, paperwork, etc. The big secret of life is we're all kinda bumbling through it and no one magically knows these things or takes right to them. I'm 30 years old and I'm still confused or intimidated by a lot of 'official' adult matters. Thankfully, we have google and that helps a lot in the 'fake it til you make it' approach. And you can always ask here too; no one's going to think you're dumb or silly if you don't know how to file your taxes yet.

To sum up: focus on getting somewhere removed from your abusers, cut ties with those who are or have abused you (gradually as you can, or all at once if it's easier, I know that it can be case-by-case), get back on your feet to help yourself in rebuilding your self esteem. Good luck and I hope you stay safe.

I know i shouldnt want to date its just I am lonely, its hard for me to want to do things by myself. I don't know I am terrible.

You are most certainly not terrible.

And I completely understand how you feel that way. A lot of life is less scary when you have a partner with you for it and you're in a pretty scary place presently. But right now, no one immediately around you sounds like they have your best interest in mind and are doing more harm than good.

Relationships are a lot of work and take both of you working together, and none of your SOs up to this point sound like they've ever done that for you. At this point, it'd just be one more thing to manage and juggle on top of getting yourself secure, safe and on your way. Now is a good time to let yourself be selfish; focus on yourself and your wellbeing, making sure you're working towards your happiness and no one else's. You owe it to yourself by now.

And when the time comes and you're in a better place, you'll be that much greater at making your future partner happy too! It's always important to make sure you make yourself into the best YOU possible before you share your life with another. It's unfair to them otherwise. Not saying you have to be perfect, because then NONE of us would date or marry. But we all have an obligation to fix ourselves as best we can and not expect others to do it for us.

I get you, do you think I should tell the guy i am living with I am leaving or no. I have always debated on regarding this because hes one of those emotionally unstable guys and i dont want to be too mean about it.

While I don't know all the details and ins and outs of your relationship with this guy, my gut says no. If you tell him you're leaving, he will probably try to convince you to stay. If he's violent or controlling, he might hurt you or restrain you. If he's emotionally unstable, he might try to guilt you with talk of self-harm if you leave him. All basic abuser tactics to keep their victim from running.

I don't want to fill your head with frightening what-ifs since, again, I don't know much about this guy outside of what you've already said here. But the best course of action would be to quietly arrange your exodus and leave without his knowledge. Up to you if you THEN want to contact him and let him know you're gone if you ABSOLUTELY have to or want to tell him. But even if you did this, I highly encourage you to NOT tell him where you're going or where you're staying. You need to cut this guy out for good; leaving him a trail is going to make that very difficult.

As is, though, no. I don't think he is owed an explanation.

well I mean I feel bad because sometimes hes nice hes does feed me and allow me to sleep on his couch and occasionally give me a plushie. However he is unreasonable, its his way or the highway, like he wont accept if hes wrong which can lead to him being hurtful.

A stuffed animal and a place to sleep aren't much of a trade-off for being a bully and an abuser. It's super easy to look at abusive relationships or friendships and believe the good parts balance out the bad. Or are the reason that you should be considerate towards them in return. But the level of respect it sounds like he gives you is abysmal and aren't enough to counteract the little helpings of kindness he gives to try and cover that up. Again, it's a classic abuser's tactic; do enough nice little things that you'll feel guilty trying to get away.

I'm heading out for the evening, by the way, so I won't be able to reply right away after this one. But I'll be thinking about you and sending you good vibes! Be safe.

gn, ur free to talk to me on this thread.

I can't do much more than restate a lot of what has stated on this thread previously, but contacting a local women's shelter and getting out of your current situation is exceptionally important.

I grew up in an emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive household. I got out when I turned eighteen; it's been a year, and it's a relief. Before then, however, I bounced from one abusive relationship to another. The maybe two non-abusive relationships I've ever had included one that was unintentionally neglectful (she was going through a lot of shit, as was I) and a very brief one where we just weren't compatible.

I was also, rather often, a fairly toxic person to those around me. Even my friendships were biting and unpleasant and built on us being fucked up and taking it out on each other just so we'd apologize and patch each other up. It's a vicious, nauseating cycle. Until you start to experience safe, good relationships, that cycle starts to repeat.

Until people, in your case maybe that's employees and volunteers at a women's shelter, start to genuinely care... Well, it's like a brick wall you just can't break down. Even then, you don't believe anyone cares. You feel like a burden. I know I did; you've expressed the same sentiment.

Right now, you need to be in a safe place and you need to work on taking care of yourself. As a lover of BDSM who frequently partakes, it's impossible to have a safe BDSM relationship that isn't based on trust and care. Once you're in a better place, absolutely indulge in your kinks with someone who cares about you and who you care about. That relationship shouldn't be based solely on that they're interested in BDSM, though. That's another pattern that, the way a person's brain deals with trauma, could severely trigger you.

Get yourself safe. Do things for you. Make friends that care about you. Try and see a therapist or counselor, if possible. Getting better very much starts with you. You've already taken the first step; you shared this with people, which lets us try and help.

Getting out of an unsafe situation when it's all you've ever known might feel terrifying and horrible. I certainly heard that story enough, after all. I expected it, wholly and truly, when I moved out to a good, safe place.

I felt free and safe. So, fingers crossed that's how it feels for you.

I dunno I am nervous about it. I been living my life for 3 years and I am afraid of being stressed again and running away from all my problems

If it's consolation, as far as running away from problems go, a hungry wild animal is a problem. I'd imagine one's gut reaction is to run away from the hungry wild animal before getting eaten. There's a difference between avoiding and ignoring problems and getting yourself away from and out of them.

This is going to be a stressful time, just as your life has been stressful and unpleasant up until this point. What matters is taking steps to get yourself out of the situation so that life is a healthy, manageable level of stressful.

I suppose I am sorry to the people who try to help me I was never very good at doing decisions, thats why I am slow and insecure.