yeah. i used to have an excellent memory, but then the depression nation attacked... and now I can't remember anything. i actually have to keep notes of what i'm supposed to do and when in my work shorts at all times to make sure i do them

I leave things in weird places I put my glasses in the fridge instead of the juice.

lmao i am sorry, but that's hilarious. i don't remember what i was trying to say this one time on skype, but i ended up typing the wrong word and then trying to correct it, but i typed the ery same word and didn't realize it, but when i tried to say i meant to type the other word, i still typed the wrong one yet again twice in a row and i just gave up

It's not that weird I say similar sounding words my mind knows the word I mean but it's not what comes out. Emaciated becomes emancipated.

I don't think the word I said and the word i meant were even close to each other lmao.

Well maybe it was voodoo lol

who knows tbh. i am really glad i only have to work three hours today. my feet and back are killing me. x_x This has been an interesting week to say the least. The week started out with me coming in at 6 AM only to learn that I wasn't supposed to come in until 6 PM and my manager had just forgotten to write PM (one of the other managers said it probably meant AM, but he was wrong). Then I had to work my first third shift, which I found out the hard way is just me in the store by myself with not even a manager to defer to when in doubt (I am pretty new to the job. like maybe two weeks and haven't had a job in about a year or so). Then I had my first and last cooking day, which was fun since I hadn't had enough training on cooking to do very well, but I think I picked it up around lunch. I did horribly on breakfast but lunch seemed easier. Then, after having worked 6a - 2p, I get a text from a coworker on third that night at like 1a asking if I was busy and turned out she needed someone to come take over her shift because she needed to go to the emergency room. So I covered her shift from like 1:30a to 8a that night, even though I was supposed to be off that whole day. And I didn't do my drawer right when I was ending my shift because the manager who taught me that didn't tell me I had to fill up the change machine so... yeah. I worked a ton. Not to mention one of the managers is heavily flirting with me and I'm like "ok but no" lmao. >_>;; he's been texting me a lot over the past couple days, which is fine because I don't mind being friends, but I know he's interested in more than that though he's trying to lowkey about it.

That is alot to happen but yay for getting a job!

truth be told, i only got the job to pay for a lot of health expenses I currently have to pay for and also to start attending therapy so i can get medical records to show disability. the reason I haven't had a job in a year or so is because my last job ended in me having a complete mental breakdown. but can't get disability without medical records and since i'm in a new place now, i settled to get a job until i have enough medical evidence so i can get on disability. that's the only reason I can keep myself going, even only two weeks in. i just hope i can keep it up long enough. fighting really hard to keep my depression and anxiety in check, but it's harder now that my body is degrading too.

I understand what you mean just hold in long enough to get through it all, government stuff can be a pain to deal with.

i've almost accidentally told that to my coworkers/managers before lol. I'm really open when it comes to a lot of stuff, which i guess you can tell since we just met and I'm already telling you my whole life story, so I'm used to just being like "yeah, existential crises, open book blah blah" but I keep having to censor myself or just stop myself from just being like "yeah i am only here until I get on disability lol"

My one doctor had me kicked off my disability because I took a part time job at a library that lasted a month. So trust me not a lot you can say that will really surprise me. If you ever need to vent I'm here.

That really sucks... I didn't think they could/would do that???? I was told that you could still have a job on disability as long as you didn't make more than like... $9/10 an hour?? I mean, my mom has been on disability for as long as I can remember and she's had a multitude of jobs since then. She's had at least five jobs in the last year. I mean, truth be told, the reason she doesn't stay at a job for very long is caused by her disability (which mine is manifesting similar to), so maybe they know it's not gonna last long. But still. I've always been told you can have a job on disability as long as you don't make very much money... I mean, with how little they pay people on disability, what do they expect people to do? It's not a living wage by any means at all. I know for a fact because I live with someone who's on disability and they're currently the only one out of the three of us who is paying the bills and we can barely make it by. rent is $550 a month for a two bedroom that's kind of crappy and still really small. Internet is like $70 a month and our utility bill was $82 this last month. And that's just bills. Not to mention day to day needs like hygiene products, food and any out of pocket medical needs... And they only get paid, like, a little over $800 a month. over half of that is taken by rent alone. we're luck our rent is as low as it is. I'm gonna try to start helping out when my paychecks start coming in, but I'm not sure how much I can with all the medical things I'm gonna need to pay for when I get the money.

The doctor just really didn't like me getting a job without her permission. The disability always runs on outdated information and rates.

wow, rude. i hate those know it all doctors. they may have a better grasp of how the human body/mind functions and why it does certain things, but i hate it when they act like they know what's best for you in a non-medical sense. like, obviously you were on disability for a reason, but if you thought you could work that job, then that's kind of your own business and choice... shouldn't have to ask the doctor's permission to get a job just because you're on disability. obviously you would know what you can and can't do with your own body. I mean, you're the one who lives in it everyday... ugh, sorry. stuff like that just makes me salty. half because it's super rude and half because I have this urge to rebel against anyone who says i gotta ask permission to do jack. lol. did you really lose disability or did you get it back/it never went off?

I lost it for a couple years but my old doctor started working again and got me back on disability. I think the female doc was crazier than me she takes everything as a personal insult.

eh. some people are just like that. either they're too full of themselves that they treat everyone like they're stupid or they're going through some personal shit that they're taking out on others. hell, one of the clinics in my home town had a nurse practitioner and she was usually always sauced or she didn't know what she was talking about. My cousin was recently in a really bad car accident and shattered her wrist, but the doctor was out of town for an entire week so like.... no one that went to her could even get medical help. Like there wasn't a stand in or anything. The clinic was just not open. And my cousin couldn't go to the other clinic because she had to get a referral from the GP listed on her insurance.

Luckily, my last doctor was pretty good. She understood that I struggled financially and had to pay everything out of pocket so she usually let me slide on some visits (I had to visit her once a year to keep prescriptions) and it felt as if she really did care about my well being. She's always helped me in any way she could. Now I have to find another doctor now that I've moved and I'm hoping that they're at least as good as she was. It's gonna be hard, though.

I hope you can, finding a good doctor that you can mesh with is hard enough without a move and new job.

Yeah. It's the first time I've even been this far away from my hometown. I moved from Tennessee to Indiana. Even though it came with a lot of stress to get things re-established up here, it will be better for me in the long run. My hometown is small and there aren't a lot of people. What little people live there are all old and not very nice. Everything is at least a half hours drive in every direction and I didn't even have a car, so I couldn't really do much down there. There was no public transport, there weren't even sidewalks. It was a backwards hick town slowly sinking into the dirt. My family was slowly driving me deeper into my depression and I spent every day in my room doing nothing and seeing no one.

Then I came to visit my partner for two weeks and their roommate suggested I move up here with them. I was a bit reluctant, at first, because I knew it would be extremely hard to get my medical stuff set back up here (it was difficult to get it set up in the first place), but I eventually convinced myself it would be better for me. So far, it has been. I'm with people who truly care about me, who share the same views and same morals, who just want me to succeed no matter what I do. They support me and know me for who I really am. Yes, life is still just as difficult as it was, what with depression eating away at both my mind and body, anxiety filling every waking moment with intense dread that I will have to return to my hometown if things don't work out up here, the stress of trying to get everything on par with how it was down there and my new job kicking my ass plus the worry that I won't actually be able to get on disability at all, but it's better knowing that the people around me actually understand what I'm going through and want to help me rather than ignoring me and brushing my problems off as if they don't really exist and don't matter.

Well other than i'm in Canada the first paragraph is what i usually deal with, except i was lucky that my mom understands what i go through and believes me about what has happened now.

You just need to be able to calm yourself abit your partner wouldn't have asked for you to move in if they didn't think there would be a future.