I wanted a boyfriend for ages a few years ago, then I got one back in 2014, and it was good to start with but then things got bad when I kept secrets from him simply because I was too shy and embarrassed, and it didn't help that he was depressed and he got too clingy and demanding and wanted me there ALL THE TIME and things got bad, and then last summer I was forced to break up with him, and I realised that maybe I didn't want a boyfriend after all. I don't want to have to share my life and interests with anyone. I want to live my own life. Yes, I do want to have a family, but I don't need to be in a relationship to have one, there are other ways of having children, and they'll grow up not minding my interests, unlike people who already exist and are old enough to have opinions on them.

Its an interesting take on it for sure. dont let one experience leave a bad taste in your mouth. its really unfortunate that was a rough time and im sorry, but dont let that hinder you from finding someone who loves you, cares about you, respects you - all of you, not just bits & pieces. c:

and if you find that is not something youre interested in, thats okay too c:

you do you, boo. ❤

Friends and family, I don't care much for that. The idea that someone WANTS to spent time with me is non sequitur. Don't they have other matters to attend? But that's just my pet peeve, a relationship with a total stranger who also wants to be there is infuriating. Are there no men left to be digging in the refuse?

I know well enough to have proper behavior around settings where I can't just cop this attitude. Just why have me intentionally waste my time, only to realize I accidentally wasted yours?

I'm also a southpaw, that's all I'd want. I may as well ask for a unicorn.

I've felt that way for a while, but I know it's because I'm comfortable with being alone and doing things at my own pace. I get tired easily when it comes to socializing, and I need to really like people to be comfortable with them. But don't get me wrong, I'm comfortable with talking to others and can strike conversation when I want, but when it comes to considering someone my friend, I take it very seriously. I think I've hung around too many people who would rather have someone else make a decision, so that if it was a bad idea, it wont be on them. In this case, I often got frustrated and made choices because no one else did. I felt like I was herding sheep, and it didn't feel like any of the people I was around had any sort of depth. I like when people can make choices for there self and be confident in it. It's fine to reach out to friends for advice, but it's irritating to me when they use that advice to dictate their next action because they are not sure of what to do. I feel like if you make a choice for yourself, it should be for you, not because someone else told you to. Idk, it's stuff like that, that makes me go anti-social for a while. I know people aren't perfect, and I am far from that.

Maybe just to put it there, I'm the oldest person in my entire extended family who has never been in any kind of relationship.

I do have one friend, (more than I need), who has made the inevitable match. He told me about his intent on a trial for the summer. My reaction was like learning I'm going to be responsible for the extinction of humanity.

Hell, I'm just bent on finding a left handed type. Anything else is secondary.

I think I'll probably always be alone because I don't think I'll ever find anyone who can put up with my misophonia/misokinesia.