I know, it does sound cheesy but sometimes these basic and practical areas of a relationship are often the most overlooked. See now for me personally I cannot and will not allow myself to get back into a relationship with a person a short while after breaking up. For me it is permanent (Haha irony). I always tell my partners from the get go look if we break up there is no chance of it ever restarting. I can't personally see it as a means of cooling down, perhaps I hold grudges but to me it only let's the problems linger.

- That's one way of protecting yourself from prolonged heartache. The quicker you let go, the quicker you can move on in your life.

I can't hold grudges. I used to, and it left my heart cold and filled with anger. I've learned to let it go and forgive people who have hurt me. It's such a relief and has allowed me to love again.

I didn't see the break up as a cool down. I was trying to move on. He was also saying he would be okay if I found another guy. But, spending time together rekindled the relationship and made it stronger. I was willing to forgive him, because I know people are pushed over the edge sometimes. I didn't want to hold that against him. After all, he forgave me.

I guess it would depend on the situation, wouldn't it? A lot of people are saying communication-- and while that is a key factor, as a "third culture kid" (aka: military kid) growing up, I had several good friends move in and out of my life (only knowing most childhood friends for 1-3 years). With the advancement of technology and ability to communicate over long distance, I would say that it was the respect we had for one another that drove us to actually seek each other out again and keep in touch. Communication was just something "nice" to have for our friendships, but not necessarily a complete necessity. Of the 50-100+ kids I knew growing up, we all don't normally communicate frequently or spend quality time together in real life (I mean, let's be real, military kids end up spread across the country in the long run). In fact, we can go months or years without speaking-- but that mutual respect is still holding together a friendship that, when rekindled with small talk, encourages a short, quality, moment of playing "catch up with each others lives". And though most people who were privileged grew up in my area their entire lives locally would consider no communication to be an end to friendship-- every military child I met through childhood, even when we've had a falling out, has held tighter to calling each other friends even when our lives change direction.

When it comes to my romantic relationships though-- along with respect, it becomes more reliant on the skill to communicate than it would be for friendships. I've told my fiance to tell me if I say something that bothers him and from the very beginning, I've communicated how I personally handle and communicate arguments. If I'm taken aback by something, I let it slide and settle; if it resonates in my mind overnight and bothers me, I pull aside and say something privately; and if I'm caught in a moment of temptation to raise my voice and argue on the spot, then I immediately take a deep breath to communicate how I feel and why, listen to what he says, and depending on what we decide to do next take action immediately. At the core, I think my exs and I weren't as rational or patient enough to comply with how to argue and deal with conflict in accordance to each other-- so when things got rough over time, it would eventually get down to dealing with problems differently and realizing our overall relationship lifestyle and values didn't match up and were stifled from coming together into something agreeable.

I am so glad you brought up respect, that I feel goes a long way and some friendships are more action than words. In high school one of my friends Mike was a blast to hang out with but a bore to be in the conversation because well he was stubborn and spoke a lot of bullshit to sound smart (Ex, He was talking about global warming and attributed it to the fact that we as humans are getting less and less hairier therefore our body heat escapes and worldwide is responsible for an increase in global temperature).