It goes either way though right? I would've kicked myself for not dating my first guy too. And even harder for not pursing my online relationship that turned into a face-to-face relationship. I would say take that chance, what's the harm in trying? I'm glad you're being cautious...it's such a tricky situation! Take my friend for example. She met a guy through online-dating website. They "dated" for three weeks, had sex (her first time) then he went off for training for three weeks. He came back, they hung out for a week then he just became distant and never texted her. Meanwhile my friend was becoming more and more frantic - but they weren't in a relationship. Had she cemented the relationship prior to sex, I think the end result would've been better. You don't know someone well enough in three weeks to make any real connections @ Especially bedroom ones! But I digress, had she listened to my instincts about him...maybe she wouldn't have gotten hurt. THOUGH I did not know this man face to face, I saw his picture and just felt .."off". Sometimes friends have the best intuition because they have no biases. It's good to get an outward opinion, but ultimately it is up to you and your future/maybe not future partner (lol, my phrasing needs work).

Anyway, sorry about the long post! Hope some of that helps!

If you were waiting my reply, I apologize. I've been a busy person the last two days, haha :) I definitely sympathize with your friend, although my first time was an orchestrated effort on my part to be with someone who cared about me, too, but with no romantic or relationship-like strings attached. How awful to say like that, I guess, but it did me well. I didn't want what happened to your friend to happen to me, I think!

Tricky situations are no fun, but at least they keep us on our toes and our minds alert! Have a good weekend, lady :D

I've been job interviewing/working lately xD But I always wait for replies!!

Be kind to your heart, friend. And try to do what you think is best for you <3

Ahhh, I can relate to this.

My best friend in the world, we've known eachother for nearing on ten years now.. Met in middle school, and he was basically my first friend. We've never actually had a relationship, but we've liked each other for a long time off and on, and it's just never been the right time, etc etc. Doesn't help that he's lived with my family off and on for years, because of his own situation.

Now we're 23, and through the three long relationships I've held, he's made it living hell on me... He's come over drunk and told me about how much he just needs me in his life, badmouthed my significant others behind their backs.. The furthest he's gone was to tell my ex I was cheating on him, which I was not. I thought maybe it was an alpha male thing, but he badmouthed my ex girlfriend too, telling me it wasn't a real relationship because we couldn't see each other every week.

I've tried moving on, but when we do go on dates, get together, etc, it's completely breathtaking... And it's hard imagining life without him. There's no one I've ever been as comfortable about being myself with as I am with him.

It's really sad, kind of pitiful, and I'm hoping moving over 2k miles away will help me sleep better at night.

It's that need for closure. That 'what if' yeah? I mean like i think everyone goes through that with someone. I was the same with my first love too, every time we'd talk i'd get melancholy and it wasn't even that i wasn't happy where i was.

I think really we make our own closure in life though and you have to keep in mind it didnt work out for a reason. I'm sure he's a great guy but if you're happy where you are there's no point in dwelling over what might have been. The grass always looks greener right?

I'm so sorry that the situation is happening to you. In my honest opinion? It doesn't sound like he's ready for you at all. If he's coming over in a drunken stupor, telling you that you two should be together...that just doesn't sound healthy. Of course one has that sort of feeling of longing after so many years of not being with one another...the other fear I had was losing the friendship.

Is he at least a good friend to you? Does he treat you right besides the whole love-confusion thing?

Haha that grass. I'm completely happy with my current man. I kinda wrote it as a way of dealing with the shock of my first finally getting a new girlfriend. He's such a good guy (Jordan was the first), and I'm so freaking happy he's gotten someone who cares about him! It makes me think he's moving up in the maturity ladder, which is so good for him. I also may have written that when I was homesick or my current Alex and I were fighting about something. I get moody wayyyy too often. I'm so glad Jordan met a nice girl xD

Ooooh dem moods. I totes get that. I have them, and all the feels often. And I'm totally happy with Jon so it's like got nothing to do with that and everything to do with my own crazycakes headspace. It's not my fault. I'm pretty sure Ive got imps or....really cranky polar bears or something running around in there munching up all my happy sometimes.

EDIT I just realized that might sound like I'm calling you crazycakes and I"m totally not. -I- am crazycakes.

Lmao, gosh you're hilarious. But I get the being in your own crazycakes headspace for sure. That's the danger of like a photo popping up that you weren't expecting! It's like "Oh. They're together..." Nostalgia interlude "WHY DIDN'T WE WORK OOOUT? YOU WERE SUCH A GOOD ONE. BUT I HAVE A GOOD ONE..." that's when I go to Alex and tell him I'm not doing well and need to talk. Alex sounds like Jon, he's a good listener and fantastic at cheering me up when I'm down. pssst, know what's weird? Alex's bro is John @ You dating John secretly? Because, I don't know anything about John's love life.

If Alex has a 31 year old half brother named Jon who is now living in arkansas and works in produce then yes that's my Jon >.> He has a half brother but I forget his name. Ive never met him, haha.

And oh my god yes I do tha tall the time. Heck I do that with the cereal i didnt choose for breakfast so my past relationships have absolutely no hope of not being lamented over at least a little bit. Though they get a lot soggier a lot quicker than fruity pebbles do.

....I want fruity pebbles now. And waffles. TYVM.

Dude crazycakes headspace is my HOME. I love making people laugh cause it's the best place for ME to be, otherwise Im all over, neurotic and kind of stressygrump. I prefer this TONS.

Also yeah Jon's GREAT. He always makes me laugh and he does a great job of being laid back when I'm all off the rails so it's a great mix.

O.O JOHN IS 30 AND LIVES IN ONTARIO. Lol, I guess it's not the same dude xD

Lolol, I can make you waffles. Come to Canada xD

I'm neurotic too xD You make me laugh every post, your humor and way with words are fantastic!

Oh I am glad to hear that. Laughter is the best part of my relationship. Alex also balances me out like Jon does with you...by the sounds of it. It's good to have a laid back dude xD Alex is MORE neurotic than me, and he's pretty anxious, but I level him out.

Not the same dude then WOOO that wouldve been small world after all disney land log ride stuff there.

Pleaseyeswaffles. All of them. Also I just made some in the toaster because i'm lazy and they're RIGHT THERE.

And I'm glad i make you laugh! Hey if I've got anyone giggling i'm happy.

As friends, we get along fabulously.. He knows me better than probably anyone, though it's a little disturbing to him when he realized I know him just as well. Being around him is just kind of natural for me. But, I know you're right. He's not ready for me, and I don't think he'll ever be ready for a healthy, labeled relationship. I accepted that.. years ago. He just makes it really, really, really hard to walk away.

I remember what happened not even a week after he came over in that drunken stupor, though. It was like two years ago, and my dad was visiting, and the walls in this house are just way too thin... Which is the only reason I heard him tell my dad how freaked out he was that he felt that way, and the degree to which he feels our... whatever it is, is so precariously balanced that he thinks any little thing could ruin it. Which is kind of funny, because it isn't, and he is a damned idiot.

Haha if my John was with you I'd be happy. His previous girlfriend already had another dude lined up when they broke up. They went out for like...four...five years? She relationshipped with a new guy TWO WEEKS later. I guess J-man didn't mean much to her. I didn't like her much anyway, very self-involved and didn't really seem interested in John. It was like he was just there and she was okay with that. Freaky because in the beginning of their relationship she was ALL over him, 24/7, no stops. But what I saw for like the last year? They hung out once a week, if that. Sometimes once in two weeks. That's not a relationship. That's...poop.

Ugh, I just want to tell you to move on then...but that's so hard! I sympathize with you more and more because he does seem like a great guy. Knowing you inside and out is really good! But a romantic relationship is just...different than that.

From my experience? Your partner should be your boyfriend before best friend. Within that, I think a woman should be able to stand on her own two feet and have a life outside of her partner and they can merge together. I'm a hypocrite though, I met my current man (was in university, living with my female best friend, had friends there) and we were long distance. Turns out, I valued my relationship more than my friendship with Jenn (female friend). University was a disaster for me, so I ended moving here. For five months, Alex was my world. Now I have two jobs and he's still my world. It's hard to merge two things together to make them work.

I'm just worried that you two have idealized this relationship so much that it won't be what you both want out of it. Childhood sweethearts can happen though! It is ultimately up to you. If you know or think he's ready, then pursue it. Don't go straight to the bedroom, another one of my wisdoms, but learn to be a couple before clawing at one another xD

Ugh that is poop and really gross. I think that just happens though like sometimes people have this weird idea of wha a relationship is going to be and then it's not that and they're disillusioned. Or something. She sounds like she should've broken it off a good couple years before she did but she got comfortable. I can't say that's never happened to me before but I can say that it's something I try like hell not to do because frankly it's a crappy way to treat someone.

It's like, you've committed yourself to this individual. You got through graduating university and starting jobs together. They both loved painting, John wants to make a career out of it. Carley was like "I LIKE HORSES AND ANIMALS NOW" started avidly hanging with this one girl, then John asked Carley's friend why she was vegan..she gave a response like "I LIKE ANIMALS, HUKHUK" and John was like "okay!" then her friend hated John ever since. The friend she hung out with? Carley is now dating her friend's boyfriend's brother. I hope they have a fun cluster-fuck family of awesome. Assholes. Sorry xD These people, THEY HURT MY JOHN. I don't like people who can just...change to appease a friend. Girl needs some baaawwwlls.

She sounds like she's got a very poorly imagined self-identity. I never understood that myself, or rather I can't relate to it because Ive always been so freaking -me- that it leaves me in awkward positions with people who don't get people like me. Which is most everyone. I am -amazingly- awkward. I almost wish i could mimic-octopus it up the way some people do and pretend to be this or that but OH MY GOD it doesnt work for me and I just come across even odder than before >.>

Give Jon a hug for me! And your guy too. EVERYONE HUGS!

She's a turd, and I hope she's happy in her new life. I'm glad she's out of mine. There were seven years between John and Carley, that's too many. They're at such different times in their lives. It's hard to keep growing together when one is so young, it was also her first relationship @ HAAH You're amazingly awesome you mean!! Not awkward C:

Lol, I'll shoulder pat John and hug Alex XD Alex gives robot hugs. I HUG YOU BACK TOO. AND YOUR MAN.

I'll hug jon for you after he's done having the shingles. right now i'm scared to touch him because he's all "OH GOD IT BURNHURTS WHY DOES IT DO THE THINGS THAT IT DOES?" Also yeah that's too much, I mean I dont judge but really it's better to have someone around your age and around your mental state. But complimentary. I had a really bad experience with someone way older than me though so I"m biased and i'm sure it works out sometimes it's just that usually it works out because of things other than love if you get me.

OH GOD ROBOT HUGS <3 i instantly like alex! Shoulder pat John TONS. And stare at him while you do it. And he'll be all "why are you doing that" and you'll be all "YOU KNOW WHY" and he'll be all "I need to go." And then it'll be like me doing it because yes awkward ALWAYS though it can be its own brand of awesome >.>